Day 1 Day 1 not sure what to think?

So this is day 1 for me. I decided I'd give it a try! My symptoms started back in December completely out of the blue. One evening after visiting with a friend I came home and helped my husband put our kids to bed. Afterwards I went to use the restroom and felt after I was done to go again. This felt like a UTI was coming on. I've had several in my past some confirmed, others not. Either way antibiotics always helped me feel back to normal. So a few days later after having mild symptoms I went to see my doctor. She did an in office dip stick urine test and it all came back negative. I was surprised! She gave me medication anyway and sent me on my way. The medication helped and I felt better but not completely better. I would get random symptoms here and there. So I decided to google my symptoms (bad idea I know!) and I came up with interstitial cystitis. Needless to say it TERRIFIED me! I was so consumed with anxiety I couldn't function. My husband bad to take off work just to take care of our kids because all I could do was sit on my couch and google about IC. I let Christmas slip right by because I was so scared and overtaken with anxiety. I was evening having nightmares about it. New Years came and I started to release the anxiety a little. Fast forward to end of February. I decided to go see a Urogynecologist because I had decided if I have this, lets get it diagnosed so I can begin to figure out what treatment will work. I went to a doctor that had excellent reviews and seemed to know what they were doing. I go in, I see their PA and she does a pelvic exam and takes urine through a catheter (ouch!) and said everything looked normal, urine was clean. We discussed my symptoms and didn't feel anything was really wrong and didn't feel the need to further test me. I told her about my IC concerns and she shook her head no and said "you do not have that, you do not want that diagnosis." She told me to come back in a month if I'm still having problems. That was on February 28th. Here I am March 24th and still having symptoms on and off. What happens is I will feel absolutely fine, go use the restroom, come out with the urge to go again (I think I'm feeling it in my urethra). The feeling will usually subside in about 20-45 minutes. It can happen once a day, all day, or not at all. I've gone over a week without it happening. Three weeks ago I went from Monday-the following Monday with no problem and the only thing different that week for me is my husband was out of town for work and I was home with our 2 kids. I stayed with my mother in law a lot of the week. I think it's because I was really distracted and busy. Maybe? I don't know. I'm still experiencing anxiety over it but I am able to carry on with my life but it's on my mind pretty much all day. I am able to sleep all night and haven't experienced any pain other than twinges that probably most people wouldn't notice.

Most of my adult life (I'm 29) I've dealt with health anxiety. I've gone through colon cancer scares, heart attack scares etc. I usually focus on them for a few weeks and then it'll pass. So anxiety is not new to me. I also have anxiety from my stomach. I had my gallbladder out 5 years ago and my stomach acts up because of it sometimes so I get anxiety when I leave the house sometimes. I also think I have a form of OCD. Which I think I've had pretty much since my early teens. I use to say to myself "If I don't do this or that this or that will happen." I guess I felt if I didn't follow through with whatever it was at the time then something bad would happen to me or someone I love. I got past that but still felt the need "to do" certain things with my anxiety was high. I also feel I'm impatient and I do not like confrontation or people being upset with me. If I know someone is mad at me or any reason I HAVE To fix it, right now. It cannot wait. I am also a paranoid person. I've gotten better with that, but I still get nervous when I'm home alone at night, I always have my guard up when I'm out and about, especially alone. I expect the worst often and have a hard time seeing the bright side of things. I can be positive and see the bright side for other people but not myself.

So that pretty much is it in a nutshell. I've never been to therapy or seen a doctor about any of my anxiety/OCD problems. I ran across TMS recently and thought it could all be connected (I hope) so I can finally get this feeling to go away and go back to feeling normal.

 

Hi, Leslie. It was good to read your post. I take it that you refer to being on Day 1 of the Structured Education Program. If so, that's good. Stick with it and it will help you a lot. Have you read Healing Back Pain by Dr. Sarno? He says back and other pain is not structural but is caused by our repressed emotions that often go back to our childhood. Those emotions can resurface today in the form of "triggers," events today that remind us of people or events in our early years. This may be an area of repressed emotions for you to think about.

You have had all the tests and nothing physically is wrong with you, so it sure looks to me like TMS from repressed emotions as Dr. Sarno says.

Or it may be that you have conditioned yourself to be a health worrier. My birth sign is Cancer so I know all about that. In the past I have worried
every minor ailment into being the start of something fatal. Doctor Google is a bad way to monitor our health. You learned the hard way from that.

Keep following the steps in the SEP and looking at the forum posts and you will find help.

 

Thank you for your reply Walt! I have no read the book by Dr. Sarno. I have watched you tube videos though. Like I said, I do not have back pain (I have pulled my back out a few times but it's few and far inbetween) it's strictly this urinary problem. Do you think it's related?

Looking back on my childhood, I can't really think of much. I had a great childhood really.

I plan to keep following the steps, thanks again!

 

Hi Leslie,
The value of role playing in private, the scenes from your past of great anguish and letting the person who hurt you the most know every last feeling from your heart . Hold nothing back.

 

There are so many stresses that can happen during childhood. The obvious ones childhood abuse, physical, verbal and sexual. Others death in the family, standards set too high, bullied, being adopted, have to take on adult responsibility, divorce, alcoholism, drug addiction, never feeling good enough, never valued as a child, and on and on.

Participating in the program will give you so much insight into yourself. Let us know how you are doing.

 

Thank you I sure will.

 

Leslie - Welcome to this wiki and forum. I have learned so much from the SEP - that it goes far beyond the TMS pain and has helped me live my life in a better, more aware way. Definitely read Sarno's books and any of the others that are recommended in these forums. It helps lock in the learning and basically for me, I had to be brainwashed from all the western medicine symptomology to the place where I can take more responsibility for how I feel physically and emotionally. Looking forward to supporting your journey!

 

Thank you! I will check out the books.

 

Hi, Leslie. Sarno and others says if a medical check-up doesn't show any physical urinary problem,
then it must be TMS.

We can think we had a happy childhood, but there are feelings we may have repressed for years.
I thought my childhood was stressful but overall I thought I had a happy one, and just took the bad times
and went on from there. What I was doing was repressing the bad times. When I journaled, I learned
more than I ever thought I would about those "happy days" of my youth. I had a lot to repress,
but when I thought about them and forgave others and myself, it helped me to heal from back pain.