Day 1 starting out

I first started with upper back pain in June of last year. This would come and go, with no real rhyme or reason. Sometimes massage would help, but only for a time. Then in October the lower back pain started, along with pain in my shoulders and neck. After that came the fatigue and spasms. The pain would move- sometimes my upper back, sometimes my lower. Sometimes both. For awhile the pain my shoulder dissipated, only to return. I went from being a 30-40 miles per week runner, to barely being able jog. I had to back out of all my races. There was never an injury that I could remember, no sense that I had "done something" to my back. I just woke up and things hurt.

I tried any number of things to get better. At first my doctor thought it was a byproduct of my hypothyroidism. Medication changed, but only fixed the fatigue. They could find nothing else about my back/body that appeared wrong. All my blood work and other tests were normal. I was tested for Rheumatoid Arthritis, Lupus, Lyme Disease, polymyalgia rheumatica. All negative. I've tried foam rollers, tennis balls, thera canes, trigger point therapy, taking magenesium. all helped some, never for very long. I did ten weeks of physical therapy, which helped a little but did nothing for the discomfort.

Most recently the pain/soreness has moved to my glute muscles and right leg. My lower back has settled it seems, but my shoulders/upper back is still a problem. The pain in my glutes and legs move all around. sometimes the front of my leg, sometimes the back of the thigh. Sometimes just the glutes. It is not lost on my that this part really started when my PT encouraged me to start running again. When its bad, walking feels awkward.

I just recently read John Sarno's "The Mind-Body Connection" and it clicked with me in a way nothing has. I have a long history of "physically" expressing my anxiety. 15 years ago it was IBS (with anxiety attacks). In graduate school it was chronic prostatitis. In 1996, after my dad died, I had low grade nausea for 6 months. I've started going back to my therapist. When I mentioned Sarno's name, he smiled and said "Oh yes, Sarno has done some great work". He has several of his books, which makes me hopeful.

I'm working hard on acceptance, as I am one of those people who googles symptoms endlessly. Its what I've done for several months, so I have a categorical knowledge of the what disease goes with what symptom(LOL), that can sometimes be hard to shove out of your brain.

What does getting rid of TMS mean to me? It means getting back to running, something I desperately miss and was my major stress reducer. It means being able to rough house with 7 year old son without flinching. It means being able to walk to my job without limping. It means being the active, healthy person I was.

 

Hi and welcome to this community of TMS healing. You have been checked out and nothing structural has been found wrong with you. That's something to cheer about. It means your symptoms are all emotional. Please do yourself a big favor and stop searching Dr. Google. That can make you think you have health problems you really don't have. Trust the SEProgram to help heal you, as it did me and countless others. I journaled and discovered I was repressing anger and other emotions from when I was a boy of seven and my parents divorced and left me with feelings of abandonment and insecurity. You will discover the emotions causing your pains, and it is common in TMS that they can move around.

 

Thanks for the kind words Walt. I have in fact given up googling symptoms. When I realized I was spending hours staring at trigger point diagrams, and googling symptoms, I knew something had to give. It was the first step I took after reading Sarno.

John