Day 1-Steve W

So I’m on day one of week one of the SEP. I had already posted a good bit about my background in another post, but to be true to the process here, I’ll summarize. I’ve had pain experience in my lower and mid back for the last seven years or so, which has featured the delightful experience of lower back spasms.
Having heard about Dr. Sarno a very long time ago through Howard Stern, I recalled the name and decided to look up some Dr. Sarno videos. This snowballed into my current, very deep dive into mind-body treatment. As I continue reading things, I have what I would imagine To be most of the risk factors for TMS. I grew up with two parents who are highly anxious, one of which was at times almost debilitatingly so. Looking back on it now, both of my parents likely experienced TMS. my father, has experienced the lower back spasms as I have.
I have gone through the whole circuit of medical assessments and treatments. One thing that I have found to be striking is that there is so much circular logic and circular explanations that the specialist will give to patients to be able to continue justify their ineptitude in treating pain. My experience has been almost exclusively that if I’m not getting better, somehow that’s my fault. Currently I feel very confident in my TMS “diagnosis” although no one has officially diagnosed me. I did take the two assessments that are on the website Painfreeyou by Dan. I came out very high on both suggesting TMS.
Throughout the time of my back pain, I have been able to work at my office job and basically “function”, but my physical activity has become substantially limited overall compared to where I was prior to the onset of the spasms. My biggest goal with progressing with this program is to be able to do the physical things I was doing before hand, especially with being able to put up each years firewood that we use in our woodstove. I’ve seen the wood pile dwindle down over the last several years and it has upset me greatly. My other goal is to be able to have a normal range of motion, that is… Without hesitance and fear that I’m gonna “throw my back out”.
A Hesitancy overall if I had to use that word is that I do know myself to have very tight hamstrings and this has been one thing that the medical folks have picked on for being a cause of my issues. However, in looking at the overall truthfulness and manner in which I’ve seen the medical profession operate with my pain issues, I’m now firmly of the opinion that they almost literally have no idea what they’re talking about, so I should be dismissing that hesitancy solely. Based on that. That is also not to mention that I know that I have lived a very tense life, although everyone who meets me remarks about how calm that I appear. I have to wonder very seriously if the tight hamstrings are due to TMS itself.
While this is day one for me for the SEP, I’ve been very aware of TMS for about a month. I think very interestingly, during that time, I’ve noticed my physical symptoms change quite a bit. I can’t necessarily say that things are substantially better, but I’ve noticed that, my back pain is feeling much different than it did before with “different” physical sensations and what not. Another huge, and I emphasize the word HUGE here, difference is that I have found a one-to-one connection with my concern about future pain, and the pain then occurring seemingly out of nowhere. It’s been as if I can turn it on if I really “want to “. This has been a very heavy experience for me and I’m still in the middle of wrapping my head Around that. That said, I believe that this is extremely positive, and I have a lot of hope that this sort of thing that will lead me to get better for good. I’m OK with some flareups in the future, but I’m just extremely grateful that I will be able to handle those in stride.
I look forward to adding onto this success story!