Day 1

So after a bit of a set back, I decided to give the structured programme a go before spending any more money to go and see the number 1 TMS practitioner in the UK (Geordie Oldfield).

Day one suggests to make a post about acceptance, which is extremely fitting because I feel it is my main issue. I was born with a blister meningocele (mild spinabifida), had an operation and was told that I could live a completely normal life and that the only problem I might get is if I was kicked directly in the operation site.

I have played just about every sport imaginable throughout my life without any issues, and I'm still going to the gym 6 times per week to this day (aged 34 years) despite my symptoms.

I have suffered with GAD since about 18 years old (or at least that's when it became noticeable/a problem), and with it came a feeling of anxiety followed by some mild headaches when I was in my mid 20s, IBS aged 28 and the Tinnitus aged 29 (triggered by an unplanned pregnancy).

I managed to get over both IBS and Tinnitus by accepting that they are both benign conditions and that they would not cause me any serious harm. My focus returned to life and my symptoms faded away (I was unaware of TMS at this stage). I then developed lower back pain aged 30 and the more I worried, the more it seemed to intensify and spread into my legs (it isn't mega serious back pain, but because of my anxiety has been enough to consume my attention). I panicked that my pain could be a result of spineabifida complications, even though I had been fine and active up until now.

I started seeing a chiropractor who came highly recommended and my back pain gradually got better, but then returned a few months later, which resulted in my losing confidence in the chiro and worrying again. My syptoms increased and I eventually went for an MRI where I was told that I had "normal abnormalities" (the surgeon was good and recognised I had anxiety around my health, so he didn't state anything about discs etc). He did say that my cord was slightly low lying and that this was normal for me.

It was around this time that I heard about Dr Sarno and read healing back pain and the Mind Body Prescription and it all started to make sense, but despite this and the gentle diagnosis from the surgeon, I continued to focus on my abnormalities and the pain continued. I went to see a TMS professional and was diagnosed, continued reading the books and was able to fully accept the diagnosis. I had achieved an information cure, as I didn't do all that much journaling.

It was great to be pain free, but I did notice an increase in my anxiety. I now know this is the symptom shift. I read some Claire Weekes books and was focussed on accepting and floating past my anxiety, and could see hope at last.

I then went on holiday and slipped on a water assault course, arching my back awkwardly. I didn't feel much pain at first but straight away a worry popped into my mind as the impact was right on my low back scar. As the seed of worry grew, the pain got worse (it was worse a few days later, than it was when I actually injured my back). I knew what was happening but there was still the doubt and now my pain has returned to exactly the same level as before, and I'm struggling to stop worrying that I hurt myself on holiday.

That's why I'm giving the programme a go and I'm hoping that I accept all the signs that my back pain is TMS and start to recover again. My pain fluctuates and sometimes moves slightly, improves with exercise and when I'm relaxed, so It must be TMS, but I'm struggling to fully accept the diagnosis again, which I know is holding me back.

I know that acceptance is the absolute key for me, so if anyone has any thoughts on what I can do or any posts on here that might help, then let me know.
Thanks

 

Hi Ferndale

I just wanted to say hello. I started the program today, am aged 36 and in the UK so just wanted to offer my support and look forward to your posts over the coming days

BW Caroline

 

Thanks caroline, good luck to you too. I think it really is the way forward, just hard to keep the doubt out sometimes

 

Welcome Ferndale. I'm new too. Acceptance is one key, but when I decided to accept the dizziness and vertigo and not think about it anymore yesterday, today I started having piercing pains in the area of my left ovary. I want to say "leave me alone, I'm trying to deal with the emotional issues!" But maybe without the symptoms, I wouldn't try to deal with them. So I also need to accept the fact that I need to spend time each day dealing with the emotional issues.