Day 1 Day 1

Hello,

Here is my Day 1 post. I read The Divided Mind a few days ago and now started this program. I've had various pain ailments for 8 years (since I was 18 - I'm 26 now). It all started with lower back pain, which then moved to my neck and right shoulder, and then to my jaw (TMJ). I'm very flexible, so I was told my hypermobility caused a lot of these issues, and I simply had to build muscle mass. My neck MRIs were normal, though my jaw MRIs showed some kind of structural disorder.

I loved reading Dr. Sarno's book and very much felt that I fit the TMS personality type. However, I'm very rational/analytical, and it's hard for me to accept the diagnosis, because:
1. I didn't actually have a TMS doctor diagnose me.
2. I feel like more research needs to be done into TMS. I do believe that a clinical study that acts more like a social science study could work here. It bothers me that there aren't established studies for this disorder.

Overall, though, I'm trying to accept the diagnosis, because every doctor I've had says nothing is wrong with me structurally. I've tried every treatment, and nothing worked. As far as the TMJ, when I asked my doctor why TMJ develops, she said "it just happens sometimes, especially to young women." That doesn't make sense to me, while TMS does.

My second day of reading the book, my symptoms moved from my right side to my left side. I also started getting pain in areas where I have never had pain, or where I have not had pain for years - areas like my left shoulder, elbow, knees, and lower back. This definitely strengthened my belief in the diagnosis.

My jaw pain also disappeared completely, which was amazing!

But since then, my old regular pain has returned (shoulder, not jaw), and I feel a little confused. I know I have TMS, but repeating "I don't have a physical problem" and talking to myself like a crazy person ("Brain, please stop making me hurt. It's stupid and I know I don't have any diseases so please stop it.") hasn't made the pain go away yet. I want the pain to go away now and I'm having a hard time being patient.

I've become enlightened to my obsession with everything being perfect all the time and my inability to accept reality. I hope that with some more journaling and following this program, this pain will finally stop. Thankfully, because I know I don't have a physical problem, I don't mind the pain like I did before. I don't feel constricted and the freedom of movement is so great (though I have a hard time getting used to not worrying about how I move all the time).

 

Hi Flexi,
Boy, you got this stuff on the run. Your mind knows you are getting ready for a journey. This moving around of the pain can happen. It happened to me.

I remember thinking "this is really weird how reading a book can cause relief in pain." My body started doing all kinds of weird things.

Get ready for a great journey.
Sandy

 

Good luck Flexi..keep the work up...