Day 1

After more than a month on the TMS Wiki site, and nearly two months after reading The MindBody Prescription, I started the SEP today. Oh, I have been meaning to, and I did Day 0 a couple of weeks ago. Procrastinator? Yes, big time. It's all part of my Perfectionism.

Also, I sort of thought I didn't need to do any more than I was already doing. I read MindBody, am nearly finished with The Great Pain Deception. I get TMS. I do.

My pain was lessening, and I found that when it did arise, I could re-distract myself enough not to panic. Last week I had two days that were amazing. No pain. I did things I hadn't done without fear or dread for years. Like lifting my couch high enough to slide coasters under the legs, things like that. Little things that had sent my shoulders, back, torso into wiry knots of pain for the past several years.

When the pain came back, I was still confident that I had TMS handled. The past few days have been challenging, though. Expecting houseguests for the coming week and feeling too crummy to prepare for them caused even more stress, more pain.

A couple of days ago, I read a piece by Steve Ozanich where he talked about people not being ready to heal. Of course, it didn't apply to me. No, it didn't because I know all about the mind-body connection. It makes so much sense. Of course, the mind controls how we feel. Of course, I have lots of anger and stress and emotions beneath the surface. Of course, I am dealing with them. Except...

There I sat with growing pain, starting to wonder if there is something 'really' wrong with me. I know there isn't and yet...maybe. I want to believe in TMS. It makes so much sense. But why didn't I heal instantly after reading Dr. Sarno's work? Some people do. And I get it!! I really do. Why not me?

Thinking of Steve's article and re-reading it, I realized the truth about myself. A truth I didn't want to acknowledge. I had to admit to myself: I hadn't accepted the diagnosis. Not 100%. 95%? Sure. But in my perfectionistic way, my SuperEgo (I think it's the SuperEgo, if not, somebody set me straight) was ready to bail when it didn't see immediate, resounding success. I have a long, long track record of this kind of behavior.

So, today I regrouped, started on Day 1. Watched the John Stossel/Dr. Sarno video. I cried when the patients featured talked about their recoveries. The beauty and ease of Dr. Sarno's recovery system is all there for the taking when we are ready. Yes, this is true, this is real and someday it will be me.

 

Thanks for your post. I believe I'm in that same 95% boat. I started reading Sarno's book just a couple of weeks ago and my pain has gotten much, much worse since. I understand that's a typical pattern, and..... But.... Where are my results? I get the concept in a big way. And not yet in a 100%. I do trust the process, and i can do the daily work and let go of the immediate outcome. The work is the point for now. I trust results will happen as they are meant to. Glad to be walking this journey with you.

 

I've been having an "extinction burst" too and it STINKS!
There is a short clip of Dr Sarno somewhere on this site where a patient is complaining to him that "some people read the book and are cured but not me" and he is like "good for them but that's not your way of handling it, you've got to deal with it in your own way" Thinking of it always makes me smile. Like DUH but aren't we all like WHY NOT ME - I want it now! If I work the program hard enough and perfectly then I should get results now!
Such a TMS attitude (and I'm totally guilty!)

 

@Chimpmama, that increase of pain when you've just read and think you understood the material and expect to have your pain resolve - it's so frustrating. It does abate, but I think it also likes to mess with us. Just when you think you've got it, you realize you don't. Not yet. But soon.

@srton I like the phrase "extinction burst". Yes, it does stink. I think it (TMS) really wants to make us discount what we're learning. It definitely doesn't like the changes it sees coming.

That's a great point about everyone having their own way of dealing with it. I feel that I'm learning an awful lot, but it just hasn't kicked in yet.

 

@Cricket313 I am delighted to say that my pain has decreased a great deal, even in this short time. I am able to walk for 1/2 mile or so, and I'll try hitting some tennis balls tomorrow. Not playing with anyone, just on a ball machine to see how it feels. As Sarno encourages us to resume 'normal' activity, tennis feels like the place to start. Continuing to do the SEP and writing a good deal. No frustration this morning, only gratitude.

 

@Chimpmama, That's great that you are going to be playing tennis on the ball machine! Not fearing to do normal activities is a huge step forward.

I had to take a week off from the SEP and really from any TMS-recovery-related things. I had a busy week with family visiting. I was doing really well until a run-in with someone who creates a lot of stress for me. Now, I feel like I am back at Square One, although I know I have the tools to get back to where I was.

 

[QUOTE=" Now, I feel like I am back at Square One, although I know I have the tools to get back to where I was.[/QUOTE]

Yes you do, and it's great that you see the connection between that 'someone' and the return of symptoms. Your clarity helps me find my own. Thank you.

 

Glad to have helped. I knew while the drama was going on that I would pay a price in pain. I wonder if I would have been able to stop it from happening with a different thought/attitude?

 

The "What can I do differently next time" question is always useful for me and the source for some great journaling!

 

My tactic when dealing with "someone" or something that I know will trigger TMS is to stay hyper aware of my feelings and experience them as they flow. So during an interaction I'll sort of check out of the situation and check in with my emotions. "wow this makes me angry or anxious" "I feel tightness in my throats while doing this - I must be pissed off" I make mental note of that and then keep rolling with the situation.
I am working so hard to be aware of things as they occur and to be ok with them. I'm usually such a perfectionist - how can I make this right - what can I change. Now I'm just working to be aware and ok.
Hope you're both doing well today!

 

Yes, yes, yes, "how can I make this right, what can I change?" That's me! Working on the awareness is much more important and useful that worrying about changing things, because that's usually a futile pursuit at best.

Doing better today!