Day 1 Day 1

I'm not really comfortable posting but I am trying to complete the program so I will make an attempt. I have been a life long athlete--or that is the identity that I attach myself to...I swam and then ran through high school and college, I joined a running club after and I gained a level of respect for myself through this.
I cannot site a specific injury but pain began to set it over the later years and slowly consumed me--likely from the pressure to maintain, or to "one-up" my self (do more, go farther, faster...).

A few months ago I learned about TMS and have been finally trying to work through pain (after taking many infrequent "breaks" to "heal"). My biggest struggle is that I know--logically, that this pain is TMS, but my subconscious is doing everything it can to keep me in the pain cycle--I am guilty of pushing to hard, not doing the right things, not being patient, being obsessive, not eating right, leaning too much on my family, living a rigid lifestyle (inflexible to change)...I am the "difficult case" that I fear will not get through.

I am still learning a lot but in my impatience I put heavy pressure on healing and this in turn keeps the cycle.

BUT I am not giving up because I love being active.

I enjoy learning from this program and everyone's stories. I am grateful to have a safe environment in which to take this journey...

 

Hi, @mnjeaner29 ! I am not an athlete but I understand what you say about your subconscious trying to keep you in the pain cycle. I've been there.Am still there, in some respects although have had some great pain-free days.

The impatience and heavy pressure put on healing does keep the cycle going but it's hard not to be impatient when all you want is to stop hurting and get back to the life you want to lead.

I'm glad you find this group. It's been a wonderful place to find support and the educational tools to heal from TMS.

 

Yes - I totally understand the "pain cycle" and thank you both for bringing it to the forefront of my attentions today. It's always so insightful to see what others are thinking and feeling on any given day, and to see how much of it is sort of universal to those of us who suffer from TMS.
I've been feeling really great and then started feeling yucky again. I'm coming to grips that working on my TMS personality traits (mostly avoidance of emotions) will be a lifelong job.
Realizing that I'm likely to be grappling and fighting against my tendencies for the rest of my life is daunting. The alternative is to be in pain and I'm over that in a big way.
Guess no one ever said that life is going to be easy.
Sending vibes and support to both of you and all of us - today and always.

 

Sending vibes back atcha, Srton.

Because I have always been an easy crier, I never thought I was avoiding or repressing emotions. What a joke that is! Wow, it's hard dredging all the crapola up. But you have to in order to scatter it into the wind...

 

Thanks for the encouragement Cricket and srton!