Day 1

8 years ago after a couple of stressful events in my life, I stood up one day to get a glass of water and felt suddenly dizzy, like I was going to pass out. I didn't pass out, but I was left with a heavy-headed, spaced out feeling that hasn't really left me since. This evolved into daily tension headaches/migraines which I have also suffered with ever since. I got both symptoms to a bearable stage using antidepressants, but they were still very much present in, and interfering with, my life.

Then beginning of this year, another hugely stressful event and I developed pain in my wrist/hand/arm/fingers (it moves around). I went to an osteopath and the symptoms completely resolved for a few months. Then suddenly came back. I went through lots of testing, nothing showed up that indicated carpal tunnel or similar. I actually ended up having a lumbar puncture because the pains had spread to my legs and feet by that point.

Interestingly, when I got the results from the lumbar puncture and everything was normal, I had a few pain-free days. Then it returned again.

I'm almost totally convinced this wrist/hand pain is TMS and starting to wonder if the headaches and dizziness are too. I've been tested for everything under the sun over the years and everything is completely normal. And the events that happened 7 years ago were ones that caused me alot of guilt and shame. Maybe the dizziness and headaches were created by my body as a distraction?

I've always been aware there may be a mind-body connection going on, but didn't know what to actually do about it. Then a week ago I read about TMS and Sarno's methods. I immediately began to tell myself 'TMS is real, my pain is emotional' everytime I felt pain and managed to make it go away almost completely for a few days. Then it came back. So I figure I need more tools and a more structured programme, hence starting this SEP from Day 1.

My biggest issues are:
1. completely and utterly accepting a diagnosis (my thoughts wander to what if it's something else and I'm focusing my efforts on the wrong path)
2. the fear! I am terrified of things staying like this forever or getting worse. I know I'm scared of the pain and physical symptoms but how do I unlearn/combat this fear?? I feel alot of my emotions are actually related to the pain itself rather than other things. Probably a vicious cycle, how can I break it?

I want to get better so much!!!