Day 1

Hello

I am starting this program today because I am attempting to do everything within my power to get healthy physically, spiritually, and emotionally. I'm hopeful that completing this will help me with all three.

My story isn't nearly as intense as some I've read on here but long story short I've had a jacked back for the last 5 years as well as elbow and knee pain. My body just feels like it's starting to fail me. A large part of my identity is wrapped up in being active and athletic and I don't know how I'd survive if this gets worse and I'm laid up permanently. I've tried chiros, x-rays, massages, core strengthening, MRI's, trigger point injections, intense stretching, cortisone injections, PT, meditation, prayer ect ect. Nothing of these has made one shred of difference.

I did read Dr. Sarno's Healing Back Pain about 10 months ago and made a conscious decision to completely buy into TMS as a diagnosis for my issues. It just made sense. I also followed the journaling suggestions by Nicole Sachs on You Tube to release my repressed emotions. I would say I felt about a 30% reduction in my back pain and a 10% difference in my knees/elbows initially. I was traveling though SE Asia from September through mid February and by the time I got back, all the physical issues had returned 100% despite me taking the Sarno book with me and reading it periodically on the road. There could be many reasons for that being that backpacking can be stressful and anxiety/anger provoking but I'd be lying if I said my faith in this as a way to heal myself wasn't a little shaken. Especially with all the success stories talking about complete recovery with just reading the book and accepting TMS.

I've always been a shortcut taker in life and it hasn't always served me so I want to really follow through with this 6 week program. I've always expected maximum results with minimum effort and maybe this will be a good life lesson for me. As long as it works!!

Some other tidbits about my history that might be relevant here. My issues started 5 years ago with serious neck pain to where I couldn't even swivel my head without it being excruciating. One cortisone shot finally eliminated that but it gets numb for no reason once in awhile. I wouldn't of even remembered that but it just happened right now. Weird, Like I said TMS made sense because right after the neck thing was solved it seems the pain migrated to my lower back. The knee and elbow thing has been around for probably a decade and I just assumed it was from weightlifting.....I have always had issues with anxiety/social anxiety and that has manifested in IBS symptoms that flare up once in awhile. I hide the social anxiety pretty well these days and I only think about the IBS when the symptoms occur....I am recovering alcoholic/addict....I don't have any physical/sexual abuse in my history and I have a big, supportive loving family. Not too many traumatic events in my life but I did come up with a lot of fighting, drug use, law breaking ect. I was attracted to the gritty side of life for sure. Anyway, I can't believe I'm writing this on an internet forum but I don't want to withhold anything that might give me insight or possibly help someone else. I also don't want to shortcut anything here. If I keep doing what I've always done, I'll keep getting what I've always got...Whatever it takes, I'm in.
I just want to say that I appreciate everyone on here sharing their stories and I'm very grateful that this community exists.

 

Check. You don't mention your age... I am 54 and I still am (quietly) angry if a 20 year old can beat me at something...anything...digging postholes, playing baseball, cutting in straight lines painting. If we had a contest to see who was the least competitive, I'd totally beat you (LOL)

Having to return to 'normal life' ? Wasn't that when this stupid virus thing started? Mortality is a huge rage maker

What's wrong with that? Don't all of us want that... least effort, most result. count me in...

Ditto.... I was on my way to prison when I was 18 . Constantly involved in 'ongoing criminal enterprises'. The only thing that interrupted that was my drinking landing me in a hospital, and then finding a different way of life..(Thank you GOD). I find it instructive that I had NO pain back then, in spite of the violent, careless life I lived. The pain came later when I got 'responsible' in my mid twenties

when I drank /did dope I had no symptoms. It's like the drama of a being a junky staying well , or the struggle to hide my drinking created enough drama to keep me distracted so I didn't need pain. Then I got sober..... OUCH.

I DO use writing, but to me it's only a shovel.... what it digs up is far more important than the act of digging.

I can assure you that Steps 4-9 worked properly will banish ALL pain, particularly step 4,6, and 7. I found it fascinating that my original pain bout that brought me to my knees began when I had STOPPED writing 4th/10th steps because my resentments were all redundant and boring and I didn't fell like it was helping me grow anymore.

Applied the way they are in the big book they are more thorough than any writing assignment ever.... in particular the third column of inventory 'what did it affect?"
Self esteem/Security/Personal or sex relations/Money/Pride/ambitions ???

These are the same things that Sarno points to as causing the unconscious rage. I always warn people writing their 4th step that if they stop (balk) they might get physical pain... I have seen it, FO real..

When you spend some notebook time over your resentments, even though the ultimate purpose is to unblock us from God, it is the answer to those questions which is where the TMS farm is hidden. The Magic is, the pain goes away just by looking for the farm.... If I had to be spiritually well to be pain free, I'd still probably be in agony. Again, THANK YOU GOD!

If I was Pope I would push for Sarno's Beatification because he was behind THOUSANDs of miracles.

peace

 

Hey Baseball65, I appreciate your reply. I'm 42 but in my mind I still feel like a kid. Wish my body felt that way. I am still able to do all the physical activities that I want I just feel creaky af while doing them. On a positive note, my back hasn't gone "out" since I read Sarno's book. Just what I call the 'normal bad'. It's interesting that you mention step work. It's been a bone of contention with my sponsor and I that I haven't felt the relief from working through the steps that I hear about other people experiencing in meetings. I'm on step 8 again now and feel like I've been pretty thorough so far. I guess everyone's experience is different but I'm hoping this program will supplement what I'm doing with my recovery program. I'll definitely admit that my journaling hasn't been too consistent so maybe this is the push I need in that aspect. I'm with you on competing with the 20 year olds! I'm starting to transition to just being pissed that I'm not as good as I think I should be instead of pissed that I'm not as good as them. I guess that's progress. The next step is just accepting where I'm at is exactly where I'm supposed to be. Anyway, I'm going to start on Day 2 and look for that damn farm!