Day 1

Welcome @leslietown, you have made THREE important first steps towards healing, Hooray! This is exactly what I did, and what I still recommend. Starting with cancelling all appointments

And there it is - the perfectionist, controlling, gotta-have-everything-nailed-down-in-advance personality trait. Been there, done that, and done with it. This is your brain on TMS. As you work the program and read the book, you'll really need to start letting that go, because it will hold you back from being open and available to new opportunities - not just doing this work, but in life as well. Talk reasonably to your brain, and let it know that it's OKAY if you don't know exactly what you will do next. The fact is that there are a ton of resources on this forum that will offer possibilities as you spend more time here. Ultimately, the answer to "what should I do next" is going to be different for everyone.

I'm not entirely clear which program you are doing - we have the SEP - the Structured Educational Program, which is actually 42 days, and we have Alan Gordon's Recovery program, which is 21 days. A lot of people only do one program, some start with the SEP and then go on to Alan's program, a few start with Alan and then do the SEP. Some people experience success, and perhaps have a setback and come back months or even years later to do one or the other.... in other words, there are no hard and fast rules about which program you do or when, just as there are technically no hard or fast rules to recovery, other than a couple of basic requirements:

1. Make a commitment to be completely open to what you read and hear, which requires a complete change in your thinking up to this point.
2. Make a commitment to be completely honest with yourself as you do the work and do not let your negative fearful brain trick you into holding back.

I do recommend reading one story per day in the Success Stories subforum to stay motivated, especially when things get tough (which they usually do, as your brain catches on and literally tries to fight back). These stories will teach you that everyone's personal story of healing and success has elements that are the same across all recovery stories, and elements that are wildly unique to each individual. And as you do the basic work, you'll discover things that resonate for you, and others that don't, which means that the ability to be flexible and open and honest with yourself are vital.

Good luck, and keep us posted!

~Jan