Day 1

I'm in some intense postpartum back pain and feel like I'm missing out on holding my child. This is especially hard as I placed my first child in an "open" adoption, the agreements of which were not honored. My pain also evokes childhood trauma where I felt like an outside watching others have "real" lives. I really relate to the anger and frustration and rage of working so hard and worrying so much about others' opinions and still having this pain, not having other things "come easy" the way they do to some. I want to name that I work as a life coach. I love my work and something important happens in my workspace and that is related to always being open to being "new", vulnerable, as I feel here. I want to try this and am pretty scared to give up my exercises and, to be honest, to share that I might still want to do some of my exercises. I'm excited to hear I don't have to totally change my pushing of myself, perfectionism, fear of anger, etc., to let go of this pain. Simply to accept that this is what the pain is about--telling me to face it and breathe, even if I keep being imperfectly perfectionistic/wanting to be sure everyone knows I know my faults. Just human. I want to be just human and physical pain-free (when not needed to alert me to, say, my hand on a stove ).

 

Leaving that imperfect, enough, is so hard. Not about my control. About acceptance--in so many ways. <3

LOL. Instructions... Re "acceptance you have of the TMS diagnosis, and of any doubts or worries you may have at this point"--just worried it won't work. I don't want to be part of the pain club. I want to be part of the did stuff and moved through it club. I am re many things. Now, this.