Day 1

I am almost entirely convinced my headache condition (NDPH) is just TMS.

In favor of TMS

• I have thoroughly read Alan Gordon's The Way Out, and applying the techniques outlined in the book, I have seen dramatic improvement in my condition. Possibly 70% improvement, which is astonishing considering the relative failure of all the physical and pharmacological treatment I've received in the last 10 years: chiropractors, acupuncture, physical therapy, antibiotic treatment for Lyme disease, Botox, dental appliances, medications from the Jefferson Headache Center, etc. The fact that I have experienced any improvement at all from strictly psychological intervention is astonishing, and convinces me there is no underlying structural problem causing my headaches.

What scares me about TMS

• I am still gun-shy from my experience with the world of Lyme Disease. I was given hope by the LD community, which operates with this confidence that they have exclusively identified a modern day plague that all of western medicine has failed to appreciate - a confidence that is especially attractive when expressed by the leaders of this community, who are seemingly very intelligent, respectable human beings, with doctorate degrees and specialty clinics named after them. I have since left that community and abandoned the thinking that my symptoms are due to Lyme (years of unsuccessful antibiotic treatment will do that), but to be honest, I sense that same sort of confidence from the TMS community. I get that same vibe of "Welcome home, we are going to make all your problems go away, because we know something nobody else does". I am still a bit gun-shy of that kind of message of hope. I know things are different this time around. The TMS community overwhelmingly reports success stories, whereas with Lyme it seems like less people are actually improving, and of course, I have experienced partial success myself doing TMS work, but still, it will take time to shake off the disappointments of my past.
• I am doing TMS work alone. I can't think of anybody I've met in person that has heard of it - not my family, nor the few friends I have left. I guess what worries me about going it alone is not that I won't eventually resolve my symptoms, but that it will take much longer than it has to. Or maybe it won't take long. Maybe a powerful shift in mindset will occur, and in my new mode of existence, all my previous thoughts or worries will seem negligible.