Day 1

Last year I was a normal 25 year old guy. I had (and still have) a beautiful girlfriend, had recently finished college, and was working towards a career change from the laborious job i was in into tech.

That all changed in April of 2021. I developed HPV 4 years into a monogamous relationship which ruined my mental health. My partner was tested and was negative for HPV, and I knew that I had never been unfaithful to her but my brain could not believe it. I had doctors tell me HPV can surface years and years after exposure, but I couldn't believe it. For 2 months I racked my brain to see if I was repressing a memory of cheating on my partner. I called my friends to make sure they didn't know about anything nefarious that I had done. All of them reassured me that I definitely did not cheat. Even my girlfriend reassured me that my memories were correct, and stuck by my side through all of it. It was horrible.

A few months later I was feeling better, but decided maybe my immune system was weak and that is why the warts appeared. I went to my PCP and she did some blood work. It came back that I had high bilirubin. This sent me into an absolute spiral. I compulsively googled about bilirubin and learned that it is a liver enzyme. This lead me to believe that I did in fact cheat and forgot and had contracted hepatitis (even though i am vaccinated against B and A). I spiraled mentally because of this.

In June I was feeling better but still doing some compulsive googling. That is when shit his the fan. I was picking something out and my back went out. I couldn't really bend over for a couple of days, but by Monday I was back at work doing a laborious job. I felt fine until it hapend again. I also start to get a chronic sore throat that seems to come and go.

My girlfriend and I were headed back from a camping trip and I was sitting with bad posture for a couple of hours reading a book. When we got home and I got out of the car I had the same feeling in my back except it didn't go away this time. For the rest of June and all of July i was in pain every day. I quit my job on August 1st to learn programming and do PT full time, and my back actually felt a lot better. I also start to take the sore throat which was diagnosed as LPR more seriously and got on PPIS. My throat is killing me at this point

September comes and I get another flare up. It puts me out for a month. By October my back is feeling a-lot better and so is my throat. I am able to eat whatever I want and am able to workout again pain free. I went home for thanksgiving and had a great time.

Now I am dealing with the latest back pain flare up that hapend right before Christmas, and ruined my entire trip home.

I really need help. I am only 25 and my life feels like it is ruined. I am really hoping it is TMS since all of this came about under a huge amount of stress.

 

Hi techmo,

We can't really diagnose TMS here, since we're a non-medical help community.

What you can do is gather evidence for a self-diagnosis, and/or see a TMS physician. Lists at the Wiki.

I want to reflect that your quite obsessive thinking does seem to correlate with the TMS personality as I've observed it expressed here at the Forum over a long period of time. So that fits. Who actually is unsure if they've cheated? An obsessive, worried mind. TMS prone, in my opinion.

I am unfamiliar with your throat diagnosis, but the rest sounds like it can be TMS, including responding to physical therapy, and new symptoms, and strange symptoms. The important thing is that you're cleared by a physician that there is nothing seriously wrong. You have to ask yourself "will I put my health at risk if I try this TMS mind body approach? If the answer is no, then you might well go ahead. There are many programs, including the free Structured Education Program at the Wiki.

And the stronger case you make for yourself, find other stories like yours, the stronger you can pursue this TMS type approach. One way that your diagnosis might be confirmed as you observe and do a program is you're correlating symptom intensity and relief with stress or emotional events. Another is that as you do a program there is some noticeable relief. All this is a process which requires dealing with your fears, developing more mindfulness, being loving and patient with yourself.

Good luck in this.

Andy