Day 1

I feel like years ago just reading one of Dr. Sarno's books wiped out the chronic neck pain I had been dealing with in my late 20's or early 30's, but...for the last 15 years (!!!!) I have struggled with what started as mild, right-sided piriformis pain. It has evolved into so much more. S.I. dysfunction, pelvic pain, psoas pain, a twisted body. I find myself "working on my pain" - chasing relief - week after week after week. I've seen the same cast of characters everyone else writes about, tried the same drugs, contraptions, therapists, chiropractors, stretching, tightening, strengthening what's weak or doesn't fire, blah-blah-blah. I'm tired of me, tired of always hurting, tired of my time and effort and $$$ revolving around pain solutions.
Refusing to give up all activity, I spin, recently started trying to run again a few times a week, weight train, take cardio classes in my garage, but...always with pain, always in a twisted body, feeling every imbalance, afraid I am going to further "injure" myself, blaming myself if I "pay for a workout" with pain afterward. My right side, front and back, is angry, tight, painful. As much as I want to move and try to train for "imbalances", my body is very guarded. I'm mad I cannot move like other people.
The reason I think I may be "doing this" to myself is that I am still, somehow, moving. Yet I spend so much time on pain relief strategies. It is the first thing I feel upon waking, the last thing I worry about before bed. I have ridiculous knots, clumpy fascia. I'm also the worrier, a perfectionist, controlling - and don't feel like I am supposed to be any of that. I have the luxury of staying at home. I'm a dog mom. What could be so stressful? So, I feel embarrassed. I feel spoiled, but...I still hurt...all the time.
I listened to Healing Back Pain last week on Audible, I have found this forum and program. I know there is plenty I must be repressing regarding worry, rage, stress about family relationships, how I am perceived by others and by the people closest to me, my role as a wife-daughter-sister, being a pleaser, etc. Just thinking of a few things that might be contributing to my own TMS has made some emotions well-up over the past several days.
So, while I believe in TMS, I am worried my personality won't allow me let go of all the diagnoses I have had in the past and that my body won't be able to unravel itself after years of compensating and twisting itself into knots. I guess I have fear/worry about being able to make progress in spite of believing I have likely buried years of emotions and anxieties into my body.

 

Thanks for sharing your story and welcome to the forum. So much of what you wrote I can relate to - the minor back or pelvis issue that evolved into way more, the many practicioners and exercises, the feeling of "imbalance" or body being overtight, the working out despite the pain, the focus on pain relief strategies, the just being fricking tired of it, etc.

Working thru this program will for sure help you, and losing the fear and focus on it. Hang in there and feel free to post your thoughts, about both good and bad things. Don't be discouraged if you do not get a lot of repliess on some posts, but a lot of people do read and if nothing else sometimes its good to know you are not alone with some issue.