Day 1

I have always been an active athlete, I played football, basketball, handball, volleyball also competitively. I even graduated from a sports special school, where I had a sports focus and I do a lot of sports.
At the same time, I have always been a perfectionist, a meticulous type who wanted everything to be as I imagined it to be and as others imagined it to be. In college, I had a lot of stress and anxiety during exams, which I always did very well, but before them I had stomach pain and nervousness. I had no problem establishing relationships with women, even if I was shy, but I rarely maintained them. I always felt like I wasn't worthy of a relationship, and even though I had a college degree, a good position in work I didn't feel that my worth was enough.
My first problems began in 2005. I had a stomach ulcer. I worked a lot, started a company and spent up to 12 hours a day at work. As anxious as I was, the ulcer returned to me again after a year. I got married and after the birth of my daughter in 2010, bigger problems began. My daughter had health problems and I tried very hard to solve it and as soon as it didn't work out, I blamed myself for it. At that time, in addition to work, I was under a great mental burden from this. I started having urological problems - burning when urinating, terrible pelvic floor pain. I was treated with antibiotics, but not very successfully. In the end, I was diagnosed with chronic prostatitis, but doctors could not solve it. In addition, I had a lot of tonsils pain, but I never had a bacterium, the doctor could not explain it.
In 2015, back pain began. I had infusions, MRIs, physiotherapy, I went to a chiropractor. It helped something, but only for a while. The pain always returned. My lower back hurt, according to the MRI I also have a herniated disc there, so I attributed it to that. I started having sciatic pain radiating to my right leg and heel. Sometimes I couldn't sleep at night, some days I just didn't work. I have been to several doctors repeatedly - neurologist, orthopedist, rheumatologist, physiotherapist. I was diagnosed with dry eye syndrome, my prostatitis worsened, and my back pain worsened. Once my lower back hurt, then the middle back and then the cervical spine. My legs and arms were measuring like I had there pins and needles. None of the doctors could find the cause, physiologically I was supposedly fine.
Then on MRI scan, they found bulging of the L5/S1 disc and spinal stenosis. So I had a reason from a neurologist, but the strange thing was that the pain was changing positions, which I didn't understand. My stomach pain worsened, I had a stomach ulcer and digestive problems repeatedly. At this time, I completed the Presence Process based on the book by Michael Brown. At that time, I was primarily dealing with mental problems, I did not see a connection with TMS, I had no idea about this diagnosis. I then completed the Presence Process again two years later. It helped me, but not for long.
My life was reduced to just pain, if I had pain how to alleviate it, if I didn't have pain, when it would come again. I was 38 years old at the time and I felt at the very bottom. I was desperate, I had various thoughts that I couldn't take it anymore. I quit my job to work home office, which only helped slightly. I guess I tried everything. This year I had surgery on my prostate, as in addition to prostatitis, it was also enlarged and I had problems with urination. They removed my tonsils because of problems in my throat and suspicion that they cause inflammation in the body and prostate.
In September of this year, I got to the book of Dr. Sarno. Like many of you, I saw myself on every side. I also listened to an audio book and the symptoms improved. Not fully, but I felt a big difference. I started to dedicate myself to it as a true perfectionist. In addition to Dr. Sarno's book, I also read The Great Pain Deception by Steven Ozanich, The Mindbody Syndrome by Kevin Viner, The Life After Pain by Jonathan Kuttner, Chronic Pain Reset by Afton Hasett, The Way Out by Alan Gordon. My condition has improved. But apart from reading, I didn't start any of the processes described in the books, I just followed the recommendations and life changes.
That's how I came to Alan Gordon's TMS program. I started it today. I also read the preparation for it and I feel that my condition had worsened. For the last two days, my back hurts a lot, especially at night, my sciatic pain has worsened, and my prostatitis has worsened. I had relatively mild symptoms for two months and now it has returned to me in full force. I feel like my body is resisting what I want to do, otherwise I can't explain it.
I apologize for the long post, but it helped me to summarize everything like this. Keep your fingers crossed for me to make it through and thank you for your support.