Day 1

Hi - It's almost too much for me to write about all the constellation of pain I have. I've signed on because 30 years ago, the only therapist I ever really respected, told me that I was very angry. Shut-down and numb but angry. I had already started developing stomach pains (later diagnosed as IBS) and then bursitis. The pain and troubles have continued to randomly move around my body - cervical disc rupture, lower back troubles.

Much violence and abuse from childhood so the idea that my brain has been protecting me through pain distraction clicked for me. We were never allowed to talk about any pain - physical or emotional. My life is good now but I still don't fully feel or know how to express myself. Often, feel underwater.

While I was watching the John Stossel clip, I had what I recognize as a panic attack. - the panic comes as physical pain in my ear and throat and ache in my chest - I think it is tears. I know the pain was a distraction; there's nothing wrong with my heart but the pain still scares me. Took an Ativan, ate and came back to this site. Thanks for this encouragement to check in.