Day 1

Wow, so many emotions inside. I didn't even know they were there until I started thinking about them.

My problem started last April, when I had a major fight with a friend. I went to bed crying and woke up 2 hours later with numbness, tingling, internal vibrations, and back pain. Various doctors couldn't tell me what was wrong (one told me I might have MS). MRIs came back clean. The stress continues over the summer as I finished my thesis. I cried myself to sleep all the time. I worried that my boyfriend might leave me because of my back problems (even though I know in my head that he is faithful and won't leave). I woke up in the middle of the night with spasms and nerve pains - like someone was sticking pins in my toes and knees.

Then I begin to notice something. It constantly changed sides. It constantly changed places. It disappeared (sometimes for a few days at a time). This does not sound like something physically wrong with me. It sounds like nerves. I have always been a perfectionist, a highly nervous person. I worry about my parents approving of me. I worry if my friends like me or if they are secretly talking about me behind my back. I worry that my boyfriend will leave me. It's constant. But I push it down. I try not to think about it. I think all that has caused this problem.

I would like to be free of TMS but actually I've grown sort of comfortable with it. I'm used to it. I know that sounds bad, but it's a little nerve wracking to get rid of it. Does that sound crazy? It's just that I'm so normal with it, even though I'm suffering, it's predictable in way.

If I could get rid of it, I would like to do things I've been avoiding. After hearing about Dr. Sarno, I went ahead and went ice skating on Friday. And guess what? Nothing bad happened. I didn't destroy my back. So I went bike riding yesterday and today. Still nothing bad. I still have the problem, but it didn't get worse with activity.

Wish me luck!

 

Good luck! You're on the right track!

 

You story sounds like mine. I am making progress. You will too.

 

I know exactly how that feels. Back when I had serious TMS there was one time that I went to a doctor and he said that he could cure it all with injections. I didn't know what to feel... it was just too much to process. "You mean I can get my life back?!" I remember being struck by how I wasn't overjoyed. I think it was what you are describing - as awful as my life was, I had simply gotten used to it and I wasn't ready for things to get better.

Hold on to this memory. It is a wonderful discovery and can give you hope when times get tough.