Day 10-Afraid of expressing emotions

I still repress my emotions in front of my mother. As a child, she would yell at me when I cried or fought with my sisters or brother. Sometimes she would even physically abuse me. I mostly remember her slapping, grabbing/jerking, or spanking me. I think the worst damage was her somehow "making" me feel guilty and like I was bad. I just got used to keeping myself even emotionally when I'm around her...and most others...and to this day I struggle to express sadness and anger, even in front of my therapist and TMS doctor.

 

Martha,
I can relate to what you are saying about suppressing your emotions. My dad was verbally abusive. It was a no win situation with my emotions. When I expressed emotions, I was overreacting, but when I didn't express them, I was being insensitive and selfish. I learned that I was more vulnerable if I expressed emotions, as then he had ammunition, so I didn't express them. I'm better than I used to be at expressing them to my husband and a friend, but mostly I just want to keep them to myself.

Journaling is a good way to start because you are safe. Shred it when you're done, or maybe burn it.

Good luck!
Lizzy

 

@Martha thank you for sharing that. I'm sure it isn't easy to type and post those thoughts and memories. How funny that expressing your feelings and emotions - things that you were once punished for - is the very thing that helps others here on the forum.
My wish for the day is that we are all able to feel easy in our skin.
all my best!!!!
srton