Day 10

Progress report !

I have noticed a remarkable improvement in my lower back symptoms, and I can now see how TMS is a very clever disorder, though I feel as though I've got it on the run. I ran for 20 minutes this morning with mild discomfort, mostly just me getting inside my own head rather than any real problems. It's difficult not to exaggerate little cramps when my first trauma was during a normal running session. The fear is still there, and I almost quit at the 12 minute mark, but I powered through to finish the 20 minutes I had set out to do, and that felt pretty alright. I started using the Strava app again, which helps track physical activity, which I used to do mostly as a way to stay in touch with my brother who's a tri-athlete. It's nice to be able to have this connection with him again; I was pretty bummed out for a while about having nothing really to share with him through my activity. I've also started doing some light weight-lifting, just some arm and shoulder free-weight exercises, push-ups, and a few pull-ups. Nothing too serious but it feels good to get back into lifting things, which is definitely a challenge for me. Lifting, running, and bending are really the three things that put the most tension on my back and I definitely need to work on them. The fear is there and that feeds the pain. Have to teach myself to focus elsewhere. It's helped to yell a little bit at the TMS and read over the 12 daily reminders.

I have managed to overcome the problem of sitting; I can usually go a couple hours without needing to get up, and only really when I start thinking about it. I know that sitting isn't really good for a lot of reasons that have nothing to do with back pain, but I want to prove to myself that I don't need to lie down in order to be comfortable at work. I try to get up and walk around as often as possible just to keep the metabolism moving (and I can't stand staring at a screen for too long), but at least I'm not doing it because I'm in pain.

The TMS is starting to manifest in other ways, though, I am noticing. I am starting to have some stomach problems that I used to get when I was really stressed. Like spasms on the left side that are not painful but uncomfortable. Otherwise, I have an unexplainable itch at the base of my tailbone that seems to come on when the pain in my back subsides. It came a couple weeks ago and I thought it was just a fungal rash, but now that it's back I am guessing it's a TMS manifestation. And I notice that other places are much more tender and sensitive than usual. Hm. Clever clever, TMS!

But overall, I am much better than I was before I started the program. I've gotten a lot of journaling done and a lot off my chest. The symptoms have improved immensely and I feel like I'm on the way to getting my life back. Thanks so much to everyone here for your support and your input. It's been an unbelievable blessing to have discovered this community and this process.

 

I also have issues with bending, lifting or standing too long but I too am getting better a little at a time. I have to take it easy with all the forward bends in yoga but I was able to bend over and pull some weeds yesterday without screaming in pain so that is progress.