Day 10

So far after 10 days of making the decision to commit to this course I feel mentally I am getting stronger. The education is sinking in and my body is reacting. After Day 7 my neck pin increased to a 10.5 out of 10! I knew it the program working but far out it hurt! I have rested from the course for a couple of days and focussed on relaxing and not pushing myself too hard to heal. Our personality types, as you know want to perfect everything but sometimes you need to slow down and breath. Today I am ready to continue my brain training. I am eager to report my symptoms.

I have never stopped exercising. Even when the pain was incredibly bad I would do something. If my hip hurt I would swim bike ride or say F. you and go for a run. This will never stop me from enjoying what I love and feeling the dopamine from exercise.

Today I decided to get to the beach. I know my ID wanted that for ages and I know I needed it.
Got to the beach about 8am. Went for a run on the sand for over 5kms. Right hip played up and had to stop a few times and rest but I wasnt going to stop until I had done more than 5kms. I know there’s nothing wrong with it but fuck it really tenses up and hurts a lot. Stopping and letting the muscles relax helped a lot. I tried to tell it that it’s TMS and there’s nothing physically wrong with my hip. Last check up with the surgeon, he said it was perfectly fine. I know the symptom imperative is at work here as my neck pain is not hurting at all but my hip has decided to inform me that my brain is not ready to give up yet. The symptom imperative has been a constant for me for about 23 years or more. I had a right hip replacement when I was 32 and was diagnosed with osteoarthritis caused be an congenital enlarged femur head 10 years earlier which caused the arthritis in my right hip. Sometimes I think that this was all TMS but I am not sure. So for around 35 years I have dealt with one pain or another. The TMS list is too long. The pain in my right hip right now after the run feels like the pain I had prior to the surgery. Tension in the hip muscles that do relax with time throughout the day.

I know I’m onto something. Journalling is a great release of energy and tension. Posting about it might help others as well. I am determined to stop the pain. Sometimes I feel like I am on the cusp of switching. Its like a light at the end of a very long tunnel for me right now.

I have gotten better before. Reading the divided mind got me about 80% better once. And surprisingly my dermatitis on my fingers disappeared and only comes back after very stressfull periods. I also noticed that my lactose intolerance has improved.

Stay positive, know that there is nothing wrong with you. You are worthy and everything will be OK.
Alex

 

Alex,
What a great story! You are a success already. It sounds like you are really making headway! Sorry the pain is so high. It’s a sign you are getting somewhere. Beware of the urge to want to get better fast. That always slows progress. Just find a way to cope with how things are. Have you ever tried somatic tracking?https://www.tmswiki.org/forum/threads/day-9-somatic-tracking.16532/ (New Program - Day 9: Somatic Tracking)
Sometimes that helps to ease my flares.

 

Thanks, I’m giving it my best shot this time. I’ll read about Somatic tracking now.