Day 11 Apprensive to Exercise

Today's thought to ponder is whether or not I am apprehensive about exercising. The answer is yes absolutely. I have traced the TMS back pain to four years ago when I hurt myself at the gym. I just remember feeling a slight discomfort at the time. Nothing like I had to rush home and put ice on it. But the next day or so at work my sciatic nerve fired off in my left leg and it gave out on me. Within a few months it had gotten so bad I was using a shower chair and grabbers to pick up things from the floor.

I continued working out in spite of it for four years but I developed a fear of getting hurt on the spin bike at my gym because from time to time the pedals will break off. I also have partial knee replacement and if I hurt my knee with a broken pedal I could end up with a total replacement. I left that gym and joined another hoping their maintenance on the bikes was better. It wasn't and the gym membership was way too expensive so I went back to the old gym. I have been back there for a year or more and I am still afraid of getting hurt. I often feel worse after working out and I know I push myself too much. My back will feel worse after a yoga class when we do too many forward folds. And my neck kills me during spin class. I also stay away from certain machines because it hurts my back.

Now I am starting to just work out at home with an on demand subscription for very little $. I have my own spin bike, yoga mat, hand weights etc. I can do things at my own pace and not feel guilty if I need to stop a spin class after 30 mins. At the gym it's uncomfortable to leave a yoga class or spin class early so even if I don't feel well I will stay until the end. I did go to the gym for yoga on Sunday and I had a headache the whole time. Had I been at home doing my yoga I would have stopped and taken some Tylenol.

Part of me does not want to give in and cancel my gym membership but the other part of me says that it is better for me to work at my own pace and not feel pressured by all the gym rats. I had become one of them and was going to the gym 5 days a week but still in pain.

 

I feel I need to comment here since you describe pretty much what happened to me!
However, contrary to what I did, your bravery here is commendable for continuing working out for four years with back pain and sciatica.

It seems to me that even then four years ago, perhaps unconsciously, you knew that there was nothing structurally wrong. Now that you have an understanding of TMS you should find it a lot easier to ignore the pain and continue your physical activities? Just a thought

The good thing about the gym is precisely the fact that you are pushed to work harder because of the people around you, but if that is making you hurt more it makes perfect sense to work out from home and take it slowly. I aim to be able to do that very soon myself, fingers crossed.

 

Can I suggest you get a personal trainer or someone who knows your condition, who may be the best to get you back to your gym activity? It could be a placebo to get your confidence back to do the activity that you fear may hurt the body part. I was diagnosed with a neck disk bulging as it was where the acute pain was (actually my MRI showed my lower back degeneration is worse), I could do all exercises or yoga poses neck and below without hesitation, except the neck and head area. But with a personal coach, I have overcome the fear. You may want to start slowly with baby steps or as you said you are fine doing at home.

Btw, in reply with your post: In a class, you don't have to do all the poses, just do what you could, there is no need to prove to anyone what you can do and if you feel unwell, just leave (TMSers try to be a perfectionist and feel bad if leaving early)