Day 12 Day 12 - 14: Living Life

Hi!

This weekend was beautiful where I am so haven't been posting for a few days but switching off between writing in my journal and here. I'm trying to really just "live" and not get too obsessed or focused on TMS all hours of the day.

I wouldn't say I have had any emotional "revelations" on top of my last childhood revelation but I have noticed that I am changing behaviors a bit.

Friday morning I had my 12 week post-up with my ENT on my septoplasty/turbinate reduction. She said everything looks great with my nose and I told her about my head/sinus pressure, post nasal drip, and ears crackling/dizziness. She said she didn't see anything in my sinuses but ordered a CT of sinuses to be safe. I didn't panic or get upset, I walked out and laughed and says, "it is what it is, this just confirms it must be TMS. Good job being relaxed and well."

On Friday night I had a bunch of friends over to swim/drink/have a fire. I bought a few snacks and such but just let the night "flow" and didn't go crazy trying to be a perfectionist host and make sure everything was perfect. I had 3-4 drinks (most I have had in a long time) and the night was so enjoyable and relaxing. Everyone texted me afterwards saying we need to do this much more often and I didn't even do anything besides send a group text with an open invite.

I did catch myself being a "goodist" at one point throughout the night. One of my friends drank a bit too much and everyone was worried about him driving. At one point I was like I can drive you home and then bring you to get your car here in the morning but then I caught myself and was like, never mind you can sleep here if you want, just let me know. He drank a ton of water and waited it out for a while until later in the night when he was fine and went home. I remembered about what I learned in Sarno's book about not doing things I really don't want to do for the sake of being a good friend and repressing rage. Nobody was mad or upset and everyone was fine.

The rest of the weekend it has been soooooo hot/humid here and I spent it with family/friends in pools/lakes/boats. I've had the typical head pressure/pain, sometimes "tired" jaw or tight/stiff neck but just keep ignoring it saying you are healthy, safe and fine and honestly I have been just living how I normally would be without pain. Eating whatever I want at the BBQs, having a couple of drinks and participating in fun activities.

I did notice that I have had no anxiety/nervousness since starting journal/blogging and just living normally with no fear of pain anymore. That is all I can ask for, as I don't want to get in a place of getting frustrated or setting a "timeline" of getting rid of the pain. I am still working on just "being" and living in the moment and not panicking about the future and if I'll be in pain.

 

This is wonderful!! I love hearing about the freedom you are having from fear. Your "voice" is full of encouragement because the tone is so positive and happy. Thank you for sharing with us the progress you have made.

Lizzy