Day 12 help

if you havent done the program in a while, its the personality trait journal entry. im a perfectionist and was wondering if anyone had some insight on dealing with this.

ive got a lot of insecurity issues and work tirelessly and care about how i look. since starting this program ive tried to not care as much. im not sure if ive really had any success - im certainly looking more disheveld but still find myself being way critical of myself. i dont know, thats not really what my question is about though. its the next part.

I also try and do everything perfect in life. every choice I make has to be the most perfect well thought out choice. it puts so much pressure on me. and day to day tasks- why I walk across the street a certain way, why I drive a certain way, respond to people's texts in a certain manner, literally every single little thing I do has to be perfect.it's so much pressure to live up to. plus it's not always the most socially acceptable way, it's what I've concluded is technically the best way, so this can spur tension between myself and others in certain daily situations. I see the altercation coming, stress about it, and deal with it. I wonder how most people decide how they do those things. like, is it whatever brings them the most enjoyment? is there a better way to do everything I do instead of trying to be perfect all the time? i guess by trying to solve this issue it's me being perfect again. but i truly wonder, for example, when you walk through a big parking lot one end to the other, do you not think about what is the most direct route, while taking into consideration certain intersections to avoid that look hectic, and deciding where you might have to wait for cars, and how long is acceptable to wait versus at which point they should have to wait for you to cross, for example? i do everything like this. what do you think about? or lets say you plan to cross a stree lt where there is no crosswalk. ill always walk along the road in the direction im headed until half the road (if theres an island) or whole road clears and then cross. that way im making the most of my time instead of standing in one place waiting just to then walk along the road on the other side towards my destination, because thats less efficient. and it kinda irks me when im with people and they do it this way. but obviously they dont care so damn much about doing everything perfectly. do you guys have any insight into other ways to think about these meaningless tasks? fyi those are just examples, im like that for literally everything i do.

 

Perfectionist, me? Never! Yet I read what you do in parking lots, crossing the street etc and your inner irritation with others who don't think that way and I completely recognise myself! Ah, good to know! I used to think it was because others didn't have the brain to work things out "my" way. But I've calmed down since I realise it's not that usually. It's more that such things just don't matter to them and why should they? We are all very different and process the world in different ways. Their minds are probably on far more interesting matters!

 

I used to be a perfectionist when it came to voicing my opinions, especially on politics. I lost some of my best friends from that so I came to realize it wasn't worth it to be so insistent. It released me of a lot of emotional stress. I also have modified my perfectionism in work and other things. I don't demand so much of myself or others anymore. Maybe it comes with age. I am 85 and "mellowing." Instead of forcing my opinions on others, I have decided to be more helpful to them. I called a senior citizen friend yesterday to tell her how she can get healthy and delicious meals delivered at home very cheap and, if necessary, for free. She was sure grateful because she is watching her dollars and uses a walker and her eyesight is failing. Now she can get meals delivered at home. It felt good to help her.