Day 13: What's helping

I'd say that what's helped me the most, was watching this healing testimony: https://www.awmi.net/video/series/healing-journeys/?episode=former-male-stripper-healed-of-incurable-chronic-pain-richard-waller (Healing Journeys - Andrew Wommack Ministries)

I am a believer in Christ, and the biggest hurdle for me in this journey was believing that the pain was not structurally caused, but indeed physical, despite my faith. My faith has always been an 'add on' to my life, and believing that I am healed simply because Jesus said so, and overcoming the fear of physical activity was hard, because big chunks of me did not think that I could trust God, which is why He has only been an add on.

This was hardest for me for my big toe whose seismods were injured, but whose pain dramatically reduced after I renewed my mind about healing and prayed over myself. Like 85% better, actually, when I was headed for surgery. Still, I've had persistent fear about the toe, reinjuring it, and/or fear of damaging myself in activity. Lots of fear going on.

Anyway, since I (believe that I am Healed according to the Bible, engaging with TMS has been interesting because the foundation is the same. "You are well. There is nothing physically wrong with you," are essential in both. Whether I get to that faith through Christ or through TMS, the foundation is the same. "We are healed, there is nothing wrong with us."

What was so powerful for me in this testimony, is that the guy had chronic back pain, and then he went to a prayer conference, and was prayed for and in that moment, believed that he was healed. He actually said in the video that after he believed, he still had pain, "But I knew the pain was a distraction. It was a distraction from the truth, and the truth was that I was healed,"

Which is literally the foundation of understanding TMS- it is a distraction. The symptoms are a distraction, always.

So I had been struggling with, 'how can I say that the pain is not structural, when I'm not 100% sure that it isn't?' and this testimony made me realize- IT DOESN'T MATTER.

Whether it is really structural, like this man's case, or it isn't, the fact is that either way, I am healed, and the pain is a distraction. The fact that he had never heard of TMS yet understood that the pain was a distraction, was proof enough for me to stop chasing the 'is this structural or is it not' thought, and decide, 'it doesn't matter. I am healed, and because I am healed, it is a distraction'.

That was huge for me.

 

Hi cookieheals,

I appreciate the way you've worked through this, examining your doubt, and then finding an "antidote" to it. I don't think I've ever known your particular way through this, never seen it exactly like this before.

IT DOESN'T MATTER
(because it is a distraction)
is brilliant! Then nothing has to be a "certain way" in order for things to be OK.

You found a way to not fear or worry about the sensations, and have reassurance that everything is fine, cutting to the heart of this work -----your own way. Congratulations.

Andy

 

Thanks Andy. I'm still afraid- I wonder why, but the fear seems to be an all encompassing trembling that won't stop; even though I keep talking to myself and affirming myself, my brain still keeps doubting. Is that normal?

 

I think fear is natural in the ego existence, and in TMS work, dealing with symptoms. So yes, I would say it is normal.

Mindfulness, "not believing everything you think," reassuring statements to yourself, continued time "educating yourself" about TMS ---all these things help.

Here is post by Forest with an article by Howard Schubiner about fear which I like. You might get some ideas. Even one good practice will help. Good luck in this!!

https://www.tmswiki.org/forum/threads/understanding-and-overcoming-fear.182/ (Dr. Schubiner - Understanding and Overcoming Fear)

 

Andy, this was so helpful. I am so grateful for you. God bless you, thank you. This is exactly, literally, Exactly what I needed, thank you.

 

cookieheals
I am so glad you found my response helpful! Your gratitude helps me to come back to this site, and brightens my day!