Day 13

I had an epiphany today. I finally allowed myself to go mountain biking again, after being so fearful that it would increase my pain. Anytime I tried to ride, I would feel pain seizing up my back and down my legs. Today when I was riding, I stopped thinking about the pain. I kept repeating Dr. Sarnos reminders. All of a sudden I felt a surge in my body. It felt like an adrenaline rush. I felt such intense joy, like I haven't felt since the pain started in October. Tears even started flowing down my cheeks. All of a sudden I had an intense insight about the trigger for my pain. Two years ago I was in a mountain bike accident that basically left the right side of my body incapacitated. I broke the radius and ulna of my right arm, and I had class three tears in my ACL and MCL of my right knee. This was extremely hard on me because I have always been very active. After a long rehabilitation, the orthopedic surgeon said that my body was healed and that I was good to go. I went on a mountain bike trip and noticed the pain was getting worse. When I came back, an x-ray showed that the metal plate had broken, even though I had not reinjured it. The surgeon had me stop using my arm again and made me use a bone growth stimulator for three months. He kept insisting my arm would get better. Finally he referred me to another orthopedic surgeon. When he saw the x-ray he said that my arm would never heal unless I had another surgery. I had to have another surgery where they put in a bigger metal plate, and even had to shave part of my hip bone in to add to the bone. The bone had come out of alignment when the metal plate broke. I had terrible tendinitis in the right arm for a long time, and then all of a sudden the pain started in my left lower hip, down my left leg. Today it just made sense how all the anger and anxiety I felt toward the surgeon, and the fear of re-injuring myself would cause TMS for me.

 

Hi, Reddi2bbetter

You poor guy. You've been through a lot. But it looks to me like you've finally accepted TMS as giving you pain.
When you went mountain bike riding again recently and felt no pain, it confirms that you have TMS.
It may now just be a matter of forgetting about anything structural and not worrying that biking or any exercise
will cause you more pain or any at all.

You need to stop the fear of re-injuring yourself.

If haven't read Steve Ozanich's book, The Great Pain Deception, I recommend it because you will be inspired
by his success story.

 

Thanks for your response. It's strange how I'm starting to feel better during the day, but I'm still having pain and insomnia at night. Do you have any advice on this?