Day 15 Pain moving around

I have noticed that my pain will vary and move around. Sometimes it's just an ache in my lower back and sometimes I feel sciatica nerve pain down my leg. Sometimes I feel tingling in my foot. Sometimes I get a headache. One time I even noticed a weird pain in my foot. And of course the neck pain. It will get better and worse. Sometimes I can turn my head to the left with very little trouble and sometimes I can hardly turn it at all.

I am talking to it and telling it to go away but it doesn't work that well. So now I will try focusing on what I am feeling at the moment. I realize that I am whole bunch of insecurities wrapped up together and what I show to most people except my husband is a facade. Especially at work. If they knew what I went through as a kid they would be astonished. It embarrasses me and always has. I don't have a great family to speak of. My parents were lousy parents. I don't speak to my adopted sister at all and I haven't seen my adopted brother in 18 years.

My husband is on disability for an anxiety disorder and I have to lie about that too. My life is a whole bunch of lies that I can't share with people. It's makes me insecure.

 

I think everyone, and I mean everyone, hides their Why real selves from others. In your case, you're hiding your girlhood from others, and so what if you are. They don't need to know any of that. I don't consider it "lying" to them. They just don't need to know that much about you. You just need to accept what happened to you and try to forgive anyone, yourself included. You don't have to speak to your adopted sister or see your adopted brother. Don't feel guilty about it. You have your own life to live and they have theirs. Do try to forgive your parents for being lousy parents. They probably had their own TMS emotions to deal with. Why even think you have to tell anyone about your husband's condition.

Your life is not full of lies. You are just being discretionary about what personal matters or feelings you want to share with others. We all do that. We have a public face and a private face. I doubt that others share their private thoughts or feelings with you.

 

Thank you for the response Walt. For some reason sometimes I will want to talk about my childhood or my husbands situation when I get to trust someone. Or I think I trust them. Then I get upset with myself and embarrassed because I have said too much. I don't know why I feel compelled to share sometimes but I really want to stop doing that. I think I expect people to understand better than they usually do. And then I feel embarrassed like I did when I was a kid. I felt horribly embarrassed when I was separated from my first husband at 21 and was a divorcée at about 24.

I really want to stop sharing so much with people who I don't really know well or trust. It's usually a coworker. I'm just not sure why I do it. Because it makes me feel bad when I do. It's probably no big deal with a stranger but I want to stop sharing with coworkers I don't know well.

I am doing well with forgiving my parents. And you are right. They both have all kinds of issues. It makes it difficult to have a relationship with my mother because my sister lives with her and has off and on for years. But mom and I email with each other and she knows that my sister and I don't get along and she seems to respect that for now. I have cut mom out of my life a few times and I think she understands that if we want to have a relationship at all it has to be just between us and not include my sister. Those two have a very unhealthy co dependent relationship that I don't want to hear about or get involved in. Been there and done that.

Doing my best to try to focus on each day and live in the moment.

 

I suffer from pelvic pain but for the last few days I've been getting a foot pain as well - a most odd shift of symptom. I feel it right in the middle, in the arch between the sole and the front, like a kind of dull ache.

That my pain could ever move like this has been a revelation to me.