Day 18 day 18

This entry is supposed to focus on the emotion that comes up the most often in my journal entries. I would say fear is definitely the most common one. I often times don't express my true feelings to others for fear of rejection or abandonment. I try to please others for those same reasons. I don't know why I feel that I can't just express my concerns. I should just tell the person how I feel and be strong about my concerns and if the other person respects me and wants to still have a relationship with me then they should respect my point of view. I am presently dating someone who is strong about his thoughts and beliefs. I don't always agree and just go with what he wants. Today he mentioned something on the phone and I didn't express my concerns. Soon after the phone call my stomach issues started up again. I know the stomach issues are directly related to when I don't feel safe or I am stressed. Even at my job, I tend to put up with a lot of dissatisfaction. I really try now to pay attention to my emotions throughout the day at work and I notice that over 75% of the time I feel anxious and stressed. I think I got used to that feeling and I let it stay in the background. However, after using this website I've realized that I don't enjoy where I work and really need to change my situation.
I still feel very helpless regarding both my personal and professional life. The guy I'm dating is a good guy, but he needs to know my concerns sooner than later in case my opinions that differ from his are issues he can't live with. He can't read my mind, so, it is up to me to make my opinions and concerns known. I just get so fearful to express them. I will try tomorrow to talk to him about them.

 

Such a wonderful example of courage in this post! I found that once I actually started FEELING the fear or the anxiety, I was over a major hump of not even being aware that I had the feelings roaming around. I don't try to make any changes at this point, but focus on acknowledging the feelings are there, accepting them and accepting myself for having the feelings. Then it seems like a whole new process opens up - where I feel much more myself. The courage to speak my truth just came up naturally as I accepted more and more what I was feeling. "You can't heal what you can't feel." So in this way, I'm grateful to experience the fear and anxiety and to separate it from the brain's message to create pain for distraction.