Day 3 Day 2-3: hurtful memories

3 things that make me angry:
When people who have hurt you can’t acknowledge the role they played
My dad's anger issues, and yelling
The patriarchal structure of my childhood home

3 Things that make me sad:
That I never learned to love myself (it’s not too late)
Feelings of inadequacy, Not feeling good enough
Feeling that I missed out on a childhood

Past Traumatic Events and Experiences:

1. A gay couple kissed on tv– my dad said “ew” and changed the channel. (Age ~7? 8?)
2. A class bully called me gay in 3rd grade. I didn’t know what it meant, but I knew that it was something I should be ashamed of (Age 9)
3. My dad encouraged me to keep my hobbies to myself, for fear I would be made fun of at school (Age 10)

When was the last time you exercised or did another physical activity? What was this activity? How did it make you feel physically and emotionally? If it is has been a while since you last exercised, why?

Until this weekend (I went for a tiny jog!) the last time I did cardio was swimming before the pandemic (2019). This was a very positive experience for me, perhaps because I thought of swimming as a very low-impact, safe activity for me to do with my pain. Swimming put me in such a peaceful trance. I will definitely return to it when it’s safe (pandemic-wise) to do so.

Jogging is still something I fear– I am afraid of injuring myself. During these past 6 years of chronic pain, I’ve come to see my body as fragile. Sometimes when I feel myself getting tense, I run and jump around my apartment to remind myself my body is strong, and to break the cycle of pain/anxiety thoughts. It helps!

 

Relatable, all these things make me angry too.

Wow, this made me angry to read...

Interesting posts, keep up the good work!

 

I could have written this sentence too, as it 100% applies to me as well. I'm working on it too, and trying not to get frustrated when years of this kind of conditioning can't be just magically be overcome in just a few days.

 

Thank you @Hedger your comment was like a validation to my anger...which I didn't realize I needed

 

same here! When I see the pain shifting or easing up I find I can feel confident that it's days are limited.