day 2: frustrated, but hopeful

Actually, a couple of days have passed since I began day 1....I have been 'working' my program with reading posts on the forum and the suggested links. There is a lot of valuable information that I have been over and over many times these past years, but I am trying to listen with fresh ears and determination. I think I am beginning to just scratch the surface of what's really going on inside me.

Apparently, even though I was mostly pain-free for 15 years or so, I never really got down to the deep, very deep emotions that need to come to light. I have always thought of myself as a very emotional person: I cry at everything, even dog shows! But, when I really think about it, I am not very in touch with my own emotions or feelings - even the ones I am aware of. So, you can imagine that the subconscious ones are very far away from my discovery.

I am working with my therapist (I have for months come into her office to complain and cry about the state of my marriage; now I am just trying to focus on myself and learn how to 'get in touch' with my feelings) on learning what emotions are too painful for me to acknowledge.

Right now, I'm 'rambling' a little. I'm feeling a little scattered and have been crying a lot this morning, over some of my life's regrets. Trying to write all this down is difficult at the moment. But I am wanting to keep moving forward with this program, so I'm writing this post.

 

Good to hear !

You are on the right path, and as you propably know, the first step is to acknowledge that you have TMS. Its difficult because your subconscious is protecting you from the things inside your head.

Keep posting! You will get better!!

 

I wasn't really aware of it but I, too, all my life have stuffed my emotions down inside, particularly anger and sadness. I was always trying to be perfect. The way to be perfect is to not offend or disappoint anyone with my point of view. Looking back, if I did state a differing opinion which I had to do on multiple occasions being a professional, I had pain: Neck pain, depression, shin splints, restless leg, tailbone pain, tingling in my hands and feet, carpal tunnel, and more. I continue to be fascinated with how this works. I can now tell if I am not taking care of my emotions/feelings I start hurting. I now know an alarm bell is going off in the form of pain.

Yes, you will get better. Sandy