Day 2

3 things that make me angry

My recovering alcoholic husbands behaviour. The 12 step program teaches me to detach from it, but I am recognising that I am also detaching from my emotions around it.

The fact that my time is at everyone elses disposal. I dont work now and haven't since 2010. I do fill my time easily....but with the expectations of others, I rarely get to do what I want to, or have to work round the needs of others. I know this isn't going to change for 3 years as I enable my daughter to complete her training. She can't do this without childcare. I'm happy to do it....but feel anger when my life becomes only that.

Being beholden financially. My loss of independence coupled with a controlling husband can leave me very angry. If we go away together, he doesn't like me to hold money.

3 things that make me sad

Knowing that I inflicted damage on my children by marrying an alcoholic ( I didnt know he was when we married)

Losing my ability to have a career. I would have loved to have known that I was accomplished. ( is that sadness or regret?)

Spending my life unknowingly devoid of intimacy. My father told me I missed the boat career wise. I think I also did love wise.

As far as program commitment goes... what have I sacrificed due to TMS?
I find it difficult to pinpoint 3 specific activities.
My whole life has been affected.
I haven't been able to dance, run, be out in the morning, be up for the day.
To dwell on this is overwhelming.
For a long time now, I have chosen to focus on what I can do and not what I can't.
Enjoyment of life changes when you have chronic illness.
My main joy comes from grandchildren, and writing stories.
I wouldn't know where to start to reclaim my life. I'm now 57 and not 27. I cant get those years back.