Day 2

There is something that confused me somehow the first day. In addition it gave me much much food for thought. There is a question at the end: What would a life without TMS mean to you?
Well, I live like this almost 3 years - with much improvement the last year. Sometimes it got really disappointing, I wondered how long could I live with so so nasty symptoms and even now I wonder how did I get through it.
When I imagined myself without any manifestation of tms I saw a person rushing here, rushing there, doing more and more and more. Firstly, one part of me doesn't like this anymore. Secondly, this image insinuates that I am not ready yet to heal, because the doer inside me wants to do, to work, to learn, to help, to give, to have, to... to..., a non stop accomplishing. I am addicted in working and doing. I have forgotten how to stop, enjoy, feel. And thanks God, my body says no.
Because of these manifestations I was obliged to change the way I live, to do things that really matter (eg binding with people, understand myself and my feelings) and to have rest during the day. I really was a labourer, almost a slave, working all day or doing chores.
Even now, I feel guilty about having rest.

 

This is a very deep insight and something that resonates with me. I've had this thought of "I wish I could feel and do everything I was doing prior to these symptoms." I never noticed how I keep so busy and go, go, go rather than doing as you say to "stop, enjoy, feel." I guess I never noticed the doer inside of me and how that plays into all this. Thanks for your post and I wish you all the best on your journey!

 

I know what you mean about feeling guilty about taking time for yourself. I feel there were people in my life who told me that taking time for myself was wrong--not my parents, a different relationship--and wonder if you have heard that message also. It is hard to get out of one's mind when we aspire to be good and kind people, I think.

 

@needs_caffeine I think I am prone to this belief!!! When someone used to tell me, you need rest, I felt offended, because I would feel like I am lazy. Not anymore
Besides our society urges to do everything, to accomplish fast, even when leisure time is concerned. You ask someone, how are you? The answer is: o , well, nice, I did this, I have this job, x children, x houses, I am doing this at my free time ( whatever), I cooked, I am going to do this. I used to do it, too. How are you asks how do you feel right now ( am I right?). Few answer in a sincere way, not deliberately though.
So, we need to know what we really want to be/ do/ have in our lives. I am still on my way !

 

I feel this a lot. Right now I'm feeling "left behind" by my peers who are able to work hard and build their careers. Meanwhile I'm feeling stuck

 

You don't have to feel this way. Just think that the job you have to do now is more important for your well being than any career.
I have made the same mistake again... Beginning to feel good, I engaged to more things, responsibilities and of course, symptoms returned back, probably because of the anger that I don't care for my needs and that I didn't say no when needed.
I am quite blaming myself for this.... The same mistake again and again. Like I am not worth if I don't do things, like it is threatening to just be instead of do...