Day 20 day 20

If you could change one thing about your life what would it be? What steps could you take to make this change?
I'm not really sure how to answer this question because for the last 6 years I feel I've been thrown about and around by life circumstances. My brother in law just died 3 days ago. He is the 4th family member I have lost in 6 years. Someone every 2 years. I believe grief and repressed anger helped develop my TMS. I've been watching myself these last couple of days with ups and downs.. the sharp edges of shock and grief pinpricking my reality. I am trying to express, not repress any emotions that are coming up - either through journaling or just being present with them. At this point, I shouldn't be surprised by the intensity of a grief drive by but I still am.
I have pain today but I have no questions in my mind on why its there. I could tell it to go away but these days I'm thanking it for its good job, telling it I don't really need its services anymore. But underneath I sense the close relationship that has been developed between the pain and my ability or inability to feel the emotions.
On a more current level, the one thing I would want to change is to work more - I am already taking steps to make that happen. I developed a class for new clients and I teach the class whether I have back pain or not. That is success for me and letting my pain know that its not going to stop me anymore from living my life.

 

This is so inspiring nowtimecoach-
I love it. you are in the zone and everything you said about moving forth is how you heal
there might be a rough day but you got it under control, your not going to fear it.
You have come a long way in such a short period, your awesome
for the way you stand up and shout ( I am woman - hear me roar)- you go with your Bad self.
You are an inspiration , it wont be long- you got that it factor.
Bless you