Day 25: (GT) TMS memory loss and nervous feeling

Hey George:

I don't think there is one answer that is the same for everyone. Most of us are a product of both our pasts and our current issues, after all.

I think it's more important to figure out what your brain is trying to prevent you from examining. For instance, when I did the SEP, particularly when I did a fast-writing exercise which I think was listing past memories, I found my brain literally telling me, at least twice, "Don't write THAT down! That's not important, you don't need to go there!" Seriously - as I hesitated to write these items down, I was actually aware of the internal pressure to ignore them. And even as I could hear "that's not important" I knew that the underlying message was "that's too shameful". So I literally forced myself to write them down anyway. Later on, as I examined the individual items on the list, those particular items, which yes, were embarrassing, but hardly earth-shattering, I learned quite a lot about how those early childhood situations resonate in my adulthood - relating to others, and dealing with fears, etc. The were very revealing.

I've since learned that when I'm having a hard time - meaning that symptoms flare up - it's important for me to sit down with pen and paper, and just free-write stuff that pops into my head. Once again, I don't allow my brain to edit what comes out of my pen - I have to put it all down. Then I can see the stuff that's floating around in my head, creating negativity and fear, putting me into a state of anxiety and hyper-vigilance. And it's always current stuff - it might be something someone said that really bothered me, but my protective brain repressed my true reaction. Or it might be an unpleasant fear about the future that my brain doesn't think I can handle.

In other words, you are overthinking the process if you're worried about whether to deal with the past or the present. That's a distraction! Which is what your primitive brain wants! Distraction = Repression!

Don't let your primitive fearful brain edit what you write. When you sit down to do the writing exercise of the day, let any thoughts that come up simply fall onto the paper through your pen.

Good luck!