Day 26 Another big attack

I woke up on Sunday morning with the same muscle spasms that has now happened 3 times. I was able to deal with it pretty well and in spite of the pain I went to the beach and watched the waves and walked a bit.

I know that it's a big project at work that is bothering me. And I believe that I am afraid. I lost my job a few years ago in spite of doing everything my best. I had NEVER been written up before and it's the most humiliating experience. I was so embarrassed but I was able to negotiate my way out of the position without getting fired. This was during the recession in 2009 so I had no job for 7 months until I found the position at my current company where I have been for 8 years.

Now I think I am just terrified that if I don't see this project through I will get fired or written up. However so many parts of this project are not in my control.

I have a very good reputation overall at my company but being a TMSer I always think the worst and beat myself up. I have covered all the bases I can to do my part in this project and continue to try to think positive.

I think the repressed emotions are lack of control and fear seeing as how I spent a great deal of my childhood feeling out of control with divorced parents and a mentally ill mother. So I will keep talking to that inner child and doing meditation until this project is over. It will be a long month.

 

Cat Lady, you'll get through this. Just try to think positive and believe you are a strong, capable person. You are, you know.