Day 26

The last time I spoke to my parents was yesterday; I went to my parents home and my dad approached me and told me that he would like to live separately from my mother. I really don't like to get involved in their relationship because they fight like cats and dogs and then they make up. He said that he is tired of her always criticizing him and he could never do anything right (welcome to my world of growing up in this type of environment). I told him that it was his fault for letting her run the home like that and he never put a stop to it. My mom was always very critical and when we did something wrong, she would always let us know. I remember a time when my sister and I washed the dishes after dinner, she put the plates back in the sink and said that we did not wash them correctly so she then washed them herself. There was another time, when it was Valentines' Day my dad bought my mom wonderful red roses. My mom was not happy instead she made a comment like "you take flowers to people when they are dead and not alive." It seems that at this point (after almost 40 years of being married), he is tired of her being so negative towards him. He then went on to say that material things (home that they bought years ago) no longer matters to him and he just wants to get away. I have heard this story several times before, and I don't know if this is it for him. I definitely understand where he is coming from.. I just wish I could offer more great advice but I am dealing with my own issues.

The conversation went very well; my dad was able to open up to me about his feelings about the whole situation. My mom needs some work and I really don't know how to help her. I don't think she will ever change...

 

Hi, Alyssa. I am sorry you are in such a situation regarding your parents but consider yourself lucky you don't live with them.

Your mother reminds me of a friend's wife... she just cannot be pleased. She wanted their kitchen to be remodeled, so he did it himself (he's very handy). She chose the new cabinets and after he installed them and the new kitchen looked beautiful, she said she didn't like the cabinets. He gets that kind of treatment all the time, but put up with it by escaping to work and then to his basement office where he listens to music while on the computer.

Other married friends separated and the wife took an apartment nearby while the husband kept the house and teenage kids. A year later the wife decided to come back home and their marriage continued more happily.

I call it taking a "vacation from marriage." Maybe that's what your parents need.

 

That's what I suggested to my dad.. That he come live with me for a break maybe then they will get along better and perhaps will help my mom want to change her negativity.