Day 27 - No flare-up connection

I am on day 27 of the structured program and the readings today dealt with "other" expressions of TMS like allergies and insomnia. In the journaling section I'm supposed to write about a flare-up that I experienced as a result of a stressful situation. One of my biggest struggles through this process and with all of the reading I've been doing has been relating my symptoms to specific events. I can't think of a single time when I had a flare-up that was directly linked to an event, happening, or stressful circiumstance. Is this normal? If the connections are there and I'm not seeing them how do I get to the point where I can see them? And if I can't make those specific connections does it mean that it's not TMS?

 

My symptoms mainly come up in connection with repeated patterns of beating myself up emotionally and being a perfectionist. Sometimes there's a certain event that seems triggering, but even then, it's usually my thoughts and the pressure I'm putting on myself that causes the pain.

 

I identify myself with the cognitions and the symptoms Veronica. I was in the shower this morning and suddenly out of the blue a very sad event that happened 2 years ago and which caused so much grief to a large number of people, including myself came to mind. It was a dreadful situation for which I had to work my mightiest to forgive and to raise above it. It did not help that I was seeing other people devastated around me and to whom I was trying to help in counseling when I was feeling pretty bad too.

Well, I thought I left everything behind didn't I? Not so, suddenly in the shower, a place where I am suppose to relax... kaboom! I was cognitively assaulted. Thank God for the TMS awareness which I did not have before. So I had to move pretty quickly to first straighten up the crooked cognition, exercise forgiveness, pray for grace and then discuss with my mind not to take action on my body. I knew that the next thing could be a physical attack. Thus far nothing has happened. I am praying and continuing to bathe my brain with positive thinking.

This is what I find disturbing, the 'cognitive assaults'. The fact that they happen also when we are asleep, paralyzed and at the mercy of an unmanned room, the subconscious. I am grateful to God for this amazing body but I must say that the subconscious design if it is supposed to work for us, I cannot see how it does it, not yet

Have a good one and love yourself for the amazing creation that you are!

 

Hi kdog,

Give yourself time first 'to be' in touch with yourself. Before I go ahead, it is important to highlight that if your symptoms have not been screened by a Dr as not being anything else, do so. Having done so with a clear medical outcome (they can't find what's wrong with you) then continue to persist on the TMS journey. Our cognitive behavioral patterns are so entrenched, subversive and insidious that it takes time to get 'almost' outside of the self to observe the self in action. Meditation mindfulness highlights these patterns. In meditation we are exposed to stop and observe what crosses our mind on a second to second basis. It is at that point when one realizes how little control we have of our minds. Sometimes in meditation my mind shoots some direction without me realizing that I have gone with it. I am already somewhere in the past or the future. When I realize the 'amazing escape' I bring myself gently to center. But it highlights the fact that even when I am intent to stay focussed, my mind seems to evade me.

It is said that the center of a tornado is a peaceful space, yet, outside of it is deadly dangerous. Things fly and float at various levels around the funnel-like structure. I think this is a little bit like what happen to us. We are so embedded in the tornado of our minds, that after a while, we are not even aware of the dangerous cognition flying and being ejected in various directions. Not to mention that those thoughts are like projectiles harmful to the body. We have had way too many years of getting used to cognitive patterns of behavior, as Veronica said too well. It is only when someone from outside observes the effects of our thoughts translated into behaviors that we wake up to the notion that something needs to change.

The change starts from within and follows outside. Be gentle and patient. Make the point to discover your 'mind strategy' (as Monte Hueftle says). The mind first objective is to shroud our awareness from its strategy and then is to distract us so we do not address the cognitive patterns.

I wish you the best in your quest.

 

Not to take away from your beautiful post above quasar, but when we are doing something "mindless" - like showering, sweeping, doing dishes etc - is when these thoughts invade us. We're engaged in something we don't have to think about so it allows other things to pop in. I have this happen in different ways, but I totally relate to this. No! The shower isn't a "safe place" really, since you are not being "mindful" but "mind-less" when you are in the shower.

Make sense?

BG