Day 27 - Unsent letter to Dad

Dear Dad,

You seem to want to have the past as the past which is convenient for you but maybe not so convenient for me. Its fine for you, you have made it and are in a comfortable position. I remember reading a study saying a parent would on average expect to spend $250k (so £200k adjusted) on bringing up a child from ages 0-21. I would esitmate at best you probably spent out around 25% of this figure, at very very best if we include 1st house before divorce maybe you could argue 50%. However fact is due to lack of investment in my upbringing i am worse off for it. You have no clue on economics it seems and to this day still assume you did what is expected since you paid what the state required. You also have no clue on psychology it seems and expect children to make thier own way growing up with limited guidance from yourself? makes zero sense. It is your fear of money and your fear of subjects like psychology which did not help in the upbringing of us children. Once the divorce happened your ego was so bruised you didn't man up and complete the job of parent properly. You still to this day claim no fault on your part or at least you dont communicate any fault - you are an idiot for that, you have to take some responcibility for deciding to have children and who you have children with. Also what the hell is with remarrying within... what, 2 years of a divorce? i guess thats either what they did in your day, and hey you didn't have the guts to not follow the crowd right.

If we talk of anything in the past now you use all your life experience and wisdom to get out of "being wrong" so it makes it very hard to approach issues - you obviously dont trust me as your son, but hey fuck you, stick your trust, i probably wouldn't trust my son either if i did a half arsed effort bringing them up. You have limited skills of judging actual value it seems, just do what society is saying. Society told your generation have no respect for mental wellbeing so you aren't concious of mental health.

I do appreciate some things you did do of course, but whatever, the situation is ridiculous. You have got more of what you wanted out of the situation than i have. Obviously you will see this different since you likely think things like providing life in the first place is doing me some kind of favour or, any money spent towards my upbringing i should be grateful for - again lack of economics understanding.

Anyway, whatever, i understand you are messed up yourself in your own ways, you dont really admit that kinda stuff or more likely not concious of it.

 

You got some of your anger toward your father out of you by writing that letter, but maybe you could have been harder on him. Have you given thought and journaled about why he was a bad father to you? He may have TMS repressed emotions of his own, anger about something. Somehow, some way, I hope forgiveness can be achieved. If nothing else, maybe just think of the past as a bad deal and go on from there. Think about the good things that have happened in your life. My parents both worked and argued about money all the time.
I don't think I got much parental guidance. I just lived with as much joy as I could get, mostly out of friends.
I think too many people today don't take seriously their responsibility as parents, and that's a big reason for divorce. My parents divorced when I was 7 and it left me with feelings of abandonment and insecurity. I think lots of people feel the same emotions because of divorce.

 

Thanks walt yeah i will try some more of this specifically.

Like you i did not get much parental guidance and pretty much friends were most important at that time. I agree on people not taking the role of parents seriously, its a joke. I have to this point not chosen to reproduce because i wouldn't do unless i felt i was in a better position.

My dads parents never divorced either, people who have not been a child of divorce have a hard time understanding. For me it seems the family unit is over at that point, there is no recovery once divorce happens.