Day 3 for me - exercise

The last time I exercised was probably over two years ago. It felt good because I was doing something for myself. Emotionally, I felt connected with myself and I felt healthy.

This may sound self-centered and utterly ridiculous but the reason I stopped exercising was that I started to look very gaunt when I exercised. Actually, the reason I initially started exercising was that I was post-partum and had gained over 65 pounds. But it wasn't the weight that was the real motivator for me, it was seeing other women go back to being "skinny minnies' after pregnancy and I didn't.

But when I started to shape a great body, I lost the fat on my face and I also lost my breast fat. Two looks I absolutely hated. So, I got breast implants. But the main reason I stopped exercising was that I didn't like the way my face looked.

Now that I am actually delving into the issue, it wasn't even me who originally thought my face didn't look nice. My aunt had made a comment that "I looked sick" and compared me to the young female TV actors on the news who had plump "nice" faces. Her comment really triggered something in me and I spiraled into insecurity, getting fillers and botox to compensate for these apparent defects.

So, this is why I stopped exercising. The main exercise was strength training.

 

Barf. (Regarding your Aunt's comment).

It sounds like there is a pull to fix the internal by a cosmetic procedure to "fix" the external.

I'm glad you're here doing the inner work with us. Confidence is an inside job.

I feel sad and angry when I think about the cruel comments people can make to their family, loved ones, kids, nieces and nephews, spouses, and so on.