Day 3

Today, while writing my lists I realized that the majority of my past traumatic experiences were from only a few years ago. There are only a few from my childhood. While I know there are many and I am quite hurt from childhood experiences, I cannot seem to pinpoint them. I cannot help but think that I must be repressing some stuff. How do I might I get myself to remember?

 

The best advice I could offer you is to take what comes as it comes. Try not to put any pressure on yourself to remember anything, it's all in there I promise. Start with what you have, and don't give a second thought to what might be missing, you'll likely be very surprised by what surfaces just from working with what you've already identified. We are all the products of our life, every action, experience, step, and choice, ultimately they are all connected. The significant connections will reveal themselves in their own time. As hard as it is to actually do this, your real task during your TMS journey is to be patient with yourself. All necessary things will reveal themselves at the exact right moment, you can't force it and trying to will only make the symptoms worse.

 

I agree completely with Leslie. Trying to figure out what you're repressing will get you nowhere. Deal with the here and now.

 

Thanks for your advice. I think I definitely have been trying to force it recently. I just want it gone because I've been living with it for so long. And I'm trying so hard, but it just takes so much time. But my allergic rhinitis has cleared up, that's a start I guess. I just stopped taking antihistamines and told myself that I don't have allergies, and it has worked for me. But now my skin is erupting in eczema. I just don't want it to get out of control like it has done in the past. I had a terrible night, I think I might be trying to complete this journey too fast. My emotions are very close to the surface this week and I'm feeling like I have really bad PMS without the PMS. I had a fight with my sister too, and it came from nowhere, spent a good few hours crying and this morning I want to cry too. But I'm at work and that's not good. The wiki says to do the structured educational program every day, but I don't think I should do it every day if this is what's going to happen me after poking around inside my mind so much... Any advice?

 

I'm pretty sure most of us have felt this, and I think it's also very natural to work really hard in the beginning. I know I certainly did. Please feel free to look back at some of my posts. If you want to really work hard and focus on something, put all your effort into staying present and being kind to yourself. Direct all your energy at remembering that your symptoms didn't get here overnight, and as much as we all would love for it to happen, quite likely they will not leave that way either. The book cures are exceedingly rare. I doubt you'll find anyone on this forum who had one.

Keep your focus right here on this VERY positive step! Don't let your anxiety get in control by looking into the future and the "what if's" that might be out there. Currently you have one symptom that is responding in a positive manner - that is WONDERFUL progress - congratulate yourself, celebrate it - don't bury that positive under a mountain of potential negatives.

I definitely have advice here. If it feels like you're going to fast, you are going to fast. Listen to your body, trust your instincts. It is totally possible to go to fast. Besides, isn't that why most of us are here? We're task masters, we approach things like a check list, we "Have" to get them done, we're focused on the finish line and we want to be there yesterday. TMS does not work that way, in fact, the faster you try to go, the more intently you're focused on the finish line, the worse the symptoms will be and the slower the progress. Much healing takes place in the breaks between the work. Be kind to yourself, this is your journey, do it at the speed that works for you. I know crying at work is not the ideal situation, but if you feel like you want to cry, your body is trying to tell you that it desperately needs to release something. Is there any way you can take some time for yourself and listen to your body? An extra break, and early lunch, leave early and have a "just for me" day? Anything you can do for yourself right now is going to be beneficial, but forcing yourself to "stay strong" and "keep your emotions in check" because it's what you're "supposed to do" is actually what got you here to begin with.