Day 3

Right events from childhood.
I was perfectly happy until I started school and 4½. No one there knew my mums rules. On my first day, I thought I could read, because I'd memorized my sisters old reading book. That was my first memory of being told I was lying. I was knocked off the rocking horse by a strong minded girl called Mary, who became my enemy throughout my school days. I had so looked forward to going to school, but hated it from day one.

From age 6 I travelled the mile and a half, using a bus, on my own. My sister was 4 years older and would have nothing to do with me.
When my brother started that September, my sister went up to secondary school ( I was7). It was winter, so cold and dark) I begged to bring him home on my own....but lost him. I was brought home in a lovely warm Police car. They found him safely in his classroom, but I was ridiculed by siblings. My brother ( at 5 years old) hadn't gone to the agreed meeting place. My mum was expecting her 9th child at the time. It was only after having my own children that I recognised the neglect and lack of any emotional support around incidents like this. It never felt like neglect though. It's just how it was.
I was denied after school activity after that. My sister didnt want to take me and I couldnt be trusted to go on my own. My parents were busy with older siblings who were doing o levels etc. That was more important.

On one of my journeys home from school, I fell asleep on the bus and ended up in the wrong town ( This is in west London). The bus conductor gave me a handful of cash, crossed me over the road and left me at a bus stop to go back. I was very late home. It was dark. Again, I was ridiculed my siblings and got into trouble for it. I remember being very scared.

My brother was bullied on his way home for a while. He blamed for not protecting him. I remember feeling quite powerless.

I had a pet Guinea pig, who spent most of his time in my pocket. He would follow me everywhere. The day he died, I put my hand in his cage and felt him cold and hard. I screamed and ran. I was shouted at and told not to over react. It was just a Guinea pig after all. I was always the drama queen !

At 12 I cycled to a piano lesson. I was told my sister was better than me, as she could ' play by ear' and I had to work at it. The lessons stopped when I was hit by a car on my way to the lesson, and cracked my skull. (This is what I assumed the start of fibromyalgia was although totally unrecognised at the time) My mum was upset that I didnt recognise her when I came to in the ambulance. I have no recollection of the accident, until waking up in casualty having my head sewn. I stayed in a couple of days. The person who hit me visited. He was very upset.

Exercise... I haven't done deliberate exercise in a gym since the diagnosis if ME/CDs in 1999. I walk in the woods or by the sea, maybe once a week. I enjoy swimming, but have to limit it. Payback from activity ( post exertion malaise) can be difficult to manage and stops me doing other things that I need to do) I tried Thai Chi but couldnt move my arms afterward.
My exercise is running after grandchildren. I'm looking for a yoga class at the moment, as recommended by my GP.

 

Interesting... after writing this, my back spasmed