Day 3 Day 3

Today's question to ponder was about the last time I exercised and how it made me feel both physically and emotionally. I was encouraged to post here, and have honestly found that I feel a little better after I do so here I go.


My last time exercising was actually pretty recently. I did this youtube workout that I have done maybe ~3 times so far since I recently picked exercise back up and I really enjoy it. The first time I did it my muscles were SHAKING. It felt so good to feel like I was using those muscles again. I have always enjoyed working out, and its a great mental release for me. This time is funny because I started to get the same stabbing pain I got last year when my pain changed from a fiery back pain to a stabbing low back pain. Thankfully this time I was quick to realize this is what was happening, that my mind was maybe realizing I was starting to call bullshit, and it went away the next day. I really like working out and its a great time to clear my mind. I feel free and carefree and its like one of the only times I feel like I have nothing to worry about (big over thinker) - though it has been hard to try not to think about if ill be able to notice my back pain during those sessions - though I definitely have been trying not to think about it - or in better words not to care about it. I know this is key and I am really trying to focus on these things during this process, but it is so hard.

The only thing that has been a little tough for me is that I have not really felt a ton of relief from my other symptoms. I think each time I read an article or a success story where it appears someone relived their pain in just a few weeks, I wonder if that can be me. I then find myself wondering if I'll ever be able to fix my symptoms. I do recognize these fear thoughts, and when I do I imagine myself kind of yelling at them, and trying to kick them out of my mind, but like I said on my first day - they are persistent!

On a positive note, not related to the question of the day, I actually find myself crying - I think out of happiness - each time I read a response on one of my posts. I think its really nice to feel like I have a community of people who understand what I'm feeling and have gone through these same emotions themselves, and are actually listening to me! So just wanted to say thank you to those who have gone out of their way to share some wisdom and words of encouragement. I really appreciate it

 

Howdy...outcome independence is your goal! The program will talk about it at some point (I don't remember what day). Basically, it means you go about your day without caring about or fearing your symptoms. It sounds simple, but in reality is like a seismic mental shift, so it takes time.

You are already taking steps though. For example, with the exercise. Pre-TMS treatment most people limit their activities to minimize symptoms. Once you resume those activities regardless of the symptoms, you are showing early signs of outcome independence. The activity may make your pain worse or better for now, either is normal. The important thing is that you are taking a step towards not letting your symptoms dictate your life. Keep up the good work!