Day 31 Journal (RSI)

Hello,

I started this program about a year ago and actually improved a lot journaling on here and going through the days. But after a while I just started coming back when I have flare ups

My life has improved so soo much since my almost complete recovery from RSI in my hands. I am now in my first couple weeks in grad school for a masters. I have to teach a class to freshman (and I don't have any experience teaching). I kinda knew this was going to happen, as I have read many stories of people recovering and then having a flare up when they finally start doing what they want to, because our mind almost doesn't want to be happy or something. I have a flare up, however it is only in my finger in my thumb, seemingly caused by writing with pen and pencil which I hadn't done very often. My hands used to hurt a whole lot using the computer but they basically never hurt only using the computer now. Also I am able to use a controller for long periods of time which used to hurt a lot.

So I kind of expected this. Using a pencil all the time, a perfect way for my tms to try to come back since it's not something I do constantly when I'm out of school. Hoping journal ling again can help.

I suppose my recent stresses that caused this are being scared of getting RSI back when I start grad school and dropping out, writing with pencil, being nervous and feeling unqualified to teach a class, I care a lot more about how I do in school than when I was younger (I had two years off from school, one of those years caused by my RSI). My ex-girlfriend goes to my school and I never really got closure and I believe she hates me because of a misunderstanding but I don't think she will give me the opportunity to talk things over (we were together for 4 years, and broke up 6 months ago). She refuses to talk or see with me and I'm not going to creep or force her to speak with me as that's not right but I do think it causes me stress. Since being out of school and going through RSI and many many other things I have become more cynical and depressed and a darker, perhaps offensive sense of humor (sometimes I feel like an edgy 13 year old) and it doesn't quite fit in with college people as they are very politically correct and polite so I feel kind of different from everyone else. And there's nothing wrong with college people we are just different.

I do feel hopeful because I have beaten RSI before, I just need to do it again and make sure I can finish school. I used to not be able to play videogames and how did I get through that? Playing videogames and thinking about TMS lol. I just need to start journaling again until my flare up is under control. My hand feels a tiny bit better writing this