I was supposed to be on Day 35 today, which is my "rest and regroup" day, but I didn't get through all the journaling yesterday. And so what? Nobody's perfect hahahahaha! The question is, what parts of the program do I think are frustrating and/or I don't accept. And maybe this is a more of a Sarno thing but it's definitely been on my mind lately, so here goes. One of the most difficult things for me is being asked to give up the physical treatments and accommodations that have grown up around my symptoms: the soft pillows and ice packs and hot towels and various unguents I rub all over my bod. I have such a crazy variety of symptoms that I've also developed a crazy variety of odd placebo treatments for them. Doing these rituals does not make my discomfort go away, but not doing them makes it worse, if that makes sense. Well of course it makes sense to you guys, you understand how TMS and the brain work! Of the approximately 20 habits I do to supposedly help myself feel more comfortable and functional, I've managed to give up... three. And they didn't go without a struggle. But they did go. So what I'm wondering is if holding on to these habits is keeping my brain focused on the physical. Don't answer that, I know the answer already. The difficulty is, after almost five years of having control wrested from me - separation and divorce, a little altercation with an SUV etc. - these routines give me a sense of sameness, structure - and safety. I feel discouraged and a little ashamed that I can be 100 percent on board with the TMS diagnosis and yet too fearful to let go of my safety behaviors. And there you go: my yucky truth of the day.