Day 34

The questions to ponder for today are: What part of PPD do you think is frustrating or silly? Is there something about the theory you don't accept? What personality trait do you think makes you feel this way?

I do think there are many times where I feel that my gastrointestinal issues are related to food and not stress that I am having in my life. There have been days where I have problems, but I can't identify the stress. I think to myself that the physical issues that I am having at the moment might not be TMS, because I can't think of anything right now that I am feeling stressed about.
I think one of the things I might be doing is repressing my true feelings about a situation and therefore tell myself that I am not really stressed. Another habit of mine is to constantly think about the future and past and that can unconsciously cause a lot of stress.
One of my personality traits is goodism. I feel horrible when I feel that I have not lived up to someone's expectations. I think about it for days. My mom is a perfect example. She is a high achiever (so is my dad). She and my dad both set high standards for all three of their children and we have all lived up to those expectations. I often times come in to conflict with my mom now...I really never did when I was a child. I sometimes notice that some of my symptoms come back when I think about her and often times when I think about my job. In both cases it's nothing specific, but just thinking about those topics I think might bring on my symptoms.
I keep trying to find a food that is causing my symptom. My husband laughs sometimes because I have tried to eliminate various foods since he has known me without any improvement in my symptoms. I also have seen several different types of practitioners to get tested for allergies and other possible triggers.
As I am writing this I realize that I don't often times consider this physical problem as part of my PPD. I am not sure if I need to see what is triggering the symptom or can I just accept that it is due to PPD in order for it to stop. I will keep trying to focus on the fact that it definitely PPD related, because in my mind I know it is.

 

Hi, aa3405. You did a very good job of thinking about your SEP question of the day.
You know you have goodist and perfectionist issues, so now you can work on modifying them.
Food is not causing you gastronomical problems. They come from TMS.
If you keep thinking you need to change your diet or have food or other allergies,
your subconscious will keep the symptom coming.

It seems to me what triggers your stomach problems is psychological, not structural or diet.

As for conflict with your mom, you know she's a perfectionist setting high standards for
herself, you, and others. Try not to let her get to you. Love her but don't judge her.
My brother once told me, "I love Mom. I just don't like her." Our mother was just not able to be pleased.
It wore us all out.

 

Thank you Walt. I try not to get angry with her, but it still happens. She is beginning to see how some of her judgmental behavior affects me. I try to tell her in a less emotional manner than I have done in the past. She is luckily open to addressing her issues with me. She says that she is trying to be better about some of her behaviors. I never want to make her feel bad and I often times have a lot of guilt when I bring up issues to her.