Day 4 Day 4 - A little change in direction

Ok - first the assignment - what was the most disheartening information from a doctor about my back pain? It was hard to decide on one. Having a doctor tell me in my 20's that I would be in a wheelchair in 10 years was pretty bad, but I pretty much went into youthful denial on that one, and after the 10 years had passed didn't worry so much about it. I think the worst was when a doctor told me surgery might help, but there was a 50/50 chance that it would make it worse. I'm just glad he was that honest - I know other people who went ahead with surgery with the idea it might not help, but were not told it might be worse. I know someone who had 3 surgeries because of that. So I was disheartened, but I'm glad it steered me away from surgery.

My first three days of this program were all about joy and excitement. I was lucky enough to be one of those who got immediate, startling relief from my back pain, and have just been celebrating. Today I had my first relapse, and it led to tears. Not because the back pain came back - I was feeling pretty good about the fact that I identified the source of my tension, and worked my way through the pain. But while posting about it, I got hit by some revelations that I did not expect. I wasn't aware of any repressed emotions and I thought maybe tension was the main cause of my TMS, but I had a little breakdown - correction, spiritual awakening (kudos to Brene Brown for that one), and now I realize my work has just begun.

Part of me is saying, hey, the pain is better, do you really want to cry all the time? Leave it be (and I thought I had no repressed emotions). But as Walt posted to me (thanks, Walt) this is going to be a rewarding journey. I know that in my heart, although right now I want to go back to the joy part! Welcome to TMS, right? I started this thinking I'd just get rid of my back pain - but it looks like I've got an opportunity to lose some other baggage as well.

 

I too have had many times that the Drs we're just honest with me. Whew, and I have had them be dis-honest. We are trained to believe what the Dr. Says as truth. I am still amazed that we are the minority instead of the majority here at tmswiki. I have cuzns that have had surgeries to fix surgeries and my heart does break for them. My oldest cuzn is thinking about having another back surgery now even though he has done had three, the Dr. told him this would probably fix him up.

You will be on your journey from now on through. The beauty of it is the journey. Don't worry about the pain coming back, that happens to us all. Focus on the emotions that you are having about the pain and current situations. By focusing on the emotions you will stay away from the pull of the structural thoughts. Just stay with the program and all will turn out a lot better. Soon. Bless you

Yes you do and it is so awesome. I remember lots of things changed in my life. I stopped procrastinating on a book I was wanting to write. A pain in my neck that had been there over 20 years just went away before I even noticed it was gone. I'm about to make a move to Texas that will give me more room to grow and so much more. Life is beautiful for sure.

 

Thanks for this Debbi and I am already feeling like I am letting go of other baggage also. For me, it is so good to even believe that I can let go of the perfectionistic, goodist personality. It will be a long read but I think the awareness is a good first step. I had been reading TMS books for a while before I came on here and I went through a down period when the stuff that I had been repressing was laid out on the table. It's only natural that we begin to feel the anger/rage/sadness .... when we stop holding these emotions in our body, they have to come out somewhere and the only way out is through right? So the tears are a healthy sign that you are on the right track. Well done.