Day 4 -My day at the doctor's

In 2016 October, when I went to the doctor,a GP, for a gas problem that I rarely have, the gas was pressing my diaphragm and I was having a weird tight feeling, so went to doc worried.

He said the gas is pressing against my diaphragm and gave me tablets. He also took my BP which was high. He immediately turned all serious and said go asap and take an ECG, I took one which was normal. He seemed to be most disappointed that it was normal! He said I must take a whole lots of tests and wrote all that down.

The worst was when he animatedly started talking about how I will get a heart attack, a stroke, how I will feel breathless when I climb the stairs, how my eyesight will be affected, and so on. By this time I freaked out and burst into tears as soon as I reached home. My family consoled me but the fear he put into me stressed me so much, in fact for years to come!.
I did most of the tests he prescribed and went to another doctor. He said you are absolutely fine and it’s the stress that’s causing your BP. He gave me tablets and after careful monitoring, for 2 months he said you're fine and stopped all medicines.

To this day I curse the first doctor for not knowing how to handle a patient, and for causing so much stress in my life. I developed anxiety and had panic attacks too after this. Went in for psychotherapy for 2 months. Read a lot about anxiety and started doing internal work like meditation, yoga, deep breathing etc.

My anxiety has lessened a lot but I still fear going to doctors for checkups. My heart starts beating faster and I expect the worst case scenarios.

I am thinking if only I knew about TMS I needn’t have suffered so much. That one doctor’s visit changed my life.
It is now 2022 and that one visit still haunts me and I am still terrified of taking my BP. Just the sight of the BP machine makes me terrified. I hope to put this incident behind me but not able to till now.

 

It's a terrible thing that some doctors who are suppose to help us end up making us worse and fear is instilled in us because they are the "experts." Many times we believe what they say, keeping us sick and in pain. I've thought the same as you- if only I knew about TMS sooner. However, all of our trials/sicknesses/weaknesses in life can help us to be stronger and we learn to persevere. I believe you'll be able to overcome the fear of doctor visits. Just think, there's power in acknowledging it!