Day 4

okay I took a few days off because of a continued sinus infection that didn't go away from first antibiotic and then caught bronchitis too. Not a great few days and then I've been completely beating myself up for it being my "FAULT" that I'm not strong enough to think it away. THat I brought it on bc I have TMS. ETC. I'm not sure if any of you do this. Blame yourself for everything wrong in your life. I never used to blame myself for health issues until I found out I have TMS and now I do it to myself there too. If I'm not painfree yet I'm not good enough to beat it. Sounds crazy I know but I'm just working through my emotions! Got a new antibiotic and hoping to be on the mend and journal through and begin to change those self destruction thoughts! Day 4 Was great. I wrong a few of my current stresses-
1. financial - feeling like its my fault or not to save or have more money (pressure)
2. Health (getting rid of TMS) sometimes I feel like that is my biggest stress. LIke I'm fighting it all the time and wanting to win then caving. Instead of viewing it as a friend trying to guide my inward to my emotions.
3. Kiddos (I have a 1,3 and 5 year old) so just daily demands and not having much time for myself
4. Keeping up with housework
5. trying to be perfect (in all areas including at TMS program)

I'm exhausted at the thought of all that! Now onto journal how to take some of the pressure off myself.

 

Hi, Anna. Just keeping up with three young ones would give anyone a cold or sinus problems. Maybe give them all some coloring books or picture puzzles to occupy them while you nap watching them or sit and meditate. Don't be a slave to housework. Try to let up on your perfectionism. In this awful economy, most everyone has financial concerns. I'm also in that very big boat. I keep thinking that even billionaires have financial concerns. I've read that some big lottery winners are sorry they won. Everyone including strangers have their hands out.

 

Hi Anna,

It is important to see this clearly, as you are. We can't help but bring our personality to bear on our TMS work. Luckily you are seeing this in high relief. Disengage from the Inner Critic as best you can, and practice compassion for yourself: "You're blaming yourself for your pain, and this is hard for you."

Developing self-compassion takes time, and it is supported naturally by seeing the way you "normally" treat yourself. Your insights support self-compassion because you see the painful place (mentally/emotionally) that this self-treatment creates. Best to you in this endeavor.

Andy B.