Day 4

The two most disheartening experiences I had with doctors:

I told my PT who I had been seeing twice a week for 6 months that the healing for my PF had plateaued and I didn’t feel like my feet was getting any better. I asked him if he had any suggestions to help me take healing to the next level. He just piled on more foot exercises and eventually told me I didn’t need to keep seeing him and that I would progress on my own. I think he just didn’t know how to help me anymore and I was too difficult a case. At the time I was in a panicked state because my pain was not getting any better, and I was so worried that I’d never have an active life again. I depended on him to have the cure and the answers, and felt like he just gave up on me when it got too hard. I felt so abandoned and frustrated and hopeless. Who was going to help me get better? That question weighed so heavily on me for months until I found this website. Now I know who is going to help me get better…ME!

The other disheartening news I got from my doctor over and over was that all my blood tests, EMG results, x-rays, etc. for the RSI in my fingers, wrists and arms came back normal. I must have had 20 different blood tests. I was so depressed. How could they all be normal when I knew something was wrong with me? I know this sounds crazy because who in their right mind wants bad test results!? But I was so desperate for an answer and a cure for my pain. I wanted something to be wrong with me so that it would have a name and someone could help me start to get better. When the results kept coming back normal, I felt more and more hopeless and wondered if I would ever get better. As I said in an earlier post, the pain in my right wrist and right fingers is still pretty acute, and I am having a little more trouble battling the idea that there isn’t anything structurally wrong or any inflammation even though there is no evidence to support this. What’s interesting is that the pain in my left hand is entirely gone. I truly believe that’s because I haven’t focused on it at all. I have only focused on my right. I think my mind has done a doozy on my right hand, but I am working really hard on talking to my mind, repeating affirmations, and journaling. I know I just need to be patient.

 

Hi, Spunky. It's a good sign that TMS is working to heal you, as in feeling no pain in your left hand. Now focus on believing that pain in your right hand or in other parts of your body will go away. I think most people in any pain can feel disappointed that medical tests show nothing structurally wrong. It's the quick fix we all hope for. TMS is harder work and is very personal. Keep journaling in the SEProgram to discover emotions that are causing your pain. You will find them and then your subconscious will stop sending the pain. Having patience is a big part of the TMS healing process.

 

Thank you Walt. I had a tough day today (I just finished posting about it) so am happy to get your encouraging words. The part about patience is so true. I am really struggling with that. Hey, I have question for you. Were there days when you couldn't face doing the SEP? I assume that I am not supposed to skip any days and finish the whole program with no breaks. Do you know if people have taken breaks? Today I was really dragging my feet (I think because I was feeling pretty frustrated and tired by my pain and didn't want to poke around in my past). Just curious.