Day 4

Hey all,

Hope everyone had a nice Sunday.

Day 4 was a pretty good day, overall. Got to do some running this morning . . . still very far from taking on a full exercise load, but I'm feeling much better. My lungs can't keep up with my legs ! The last time I was running, a few weeks ago, before I had discovered TMS, running was a constant nightmare. I felt that every step was going to deliver me to a world of pain and so I ran with fear and trembling. I walked at every hill; I dragged my feet and couldn't really enjoy myself until I stopped. But now I'm back to running, not yet at full speed, but I think my legs will start to get the feel for it again. And I need to get my cardiovascular system back in shape. Gonna keep pushing, but within reason. Would be a real bummer to pull a hamstring while on the road to recovery.

I had a good deal of stress toward the evening, a lot around my dog and my job (unrelated), but I didn't get any pain with it. I made sure to keep my focus on the stress itself, to repeat to myself that the discomfort was all emotional. The pain never showed up. I only got a weird pinch in the afternoon while we were clipping my dog's nails -- and it was a pinch in the middle of my spine this time, a weird spot where I've never felt it before. That struck me as really odd . . . looks like the TMS has realized the lower back isn't such a weak spot anymore and is trying to exploit elsewhere. Very interesting how it moves around. It's giving me slight pain in the legs but nothing too serious. Just some odd sensations now and then.

I reflected a lot on Sarno's idea that TMS is a gift. I remember before I discovered it, I was so worried and depressed about my back. I had been working to become a baker in France, only to have my back "give out" on me while I was working on a farm in France. They had offered me a contract to replace their baker while he was on medical leave, and it was a really tough decision because it was my professional dream but it would have meant living separated from my wife for several months. There was a lot of pressure and I think that got to me. Any who, since that injury things just didn't feel right. Shooting pain every single day, couldn't do a single physical activity without pain or the fear of pain. Going to work was excruciating. While I was awaiting my MRI results, I was literally hoping that there would be tumors in my back so that it would just be cancer and that my life would be over. I was just waiting for the phone call from the doctor that said things were so much worse than they actually were.

And then I found out that things weren't as bad. That there was hope. That my pain was just TMS. I remember praying, praying, praying that I could go back to the life I had before the pain had set in. So many things that I would do differently. And the discovery of TMS is working to give me that life back and I could almost cry with joy for it (I almost did in fact while I was running yesterday).

But TMS is also a gift in the sense that it has forced me to confront problems and to be more honest with my emotions, and to make an effort to live in a less angry, less anxious, and more positive way. I should really never take a moment for granted because no matter how unfortunate my circumstances could be, I can always be grateful that I can live through them without the pain. I can now focus on my emotions and be the good husband, son, brother, and employee that I need to be.

I'm not 100% cured yet, and I'm sure that the road to 100% recovery will have a few bumps here and there. But I can't believe how liberating the first few days have been. Thank you to everyone on here and thank you to the memory of Dr. Sarno. This is so far a salvation !

I wish you all a good week and see you tomorrow !

 

Hi, Lewis. You are doing great! After only a few days believing in TMS, you are back to running again and not in much if any pain. Isn't it a relief to know that medical tests prove nothing is structurally wrong with you?. By continuing to journal in the SEProgram, you will learn what repressed emotions cause your pain. It may just have been that you had worried yourself into thinking you had something like cancer. Now try to stay positive and you will be more than your old self again... you will be an even healthier and happier person.