Day 4 Day 4

Good morning-
I've just reached the "question to ponder" on Day 4-"What is the most disheartening thing a doctor has ever told you about your symptoms?". This part of my journey makes me smile, so I thought it was worth sharing. A year or so after the onset of my RA symptoms, I went to rheumatologist for another opinion-this was about 10 years ago. He told me that I would be "a shadow of my former self in 5 years" since I couldn't take the pharmaceuticals typically given for the condition. This statement embedded itself in my consciousness and the fear it caused snowballed. As the fear grew in intensity over the following years, so did the symptoms. After much of my life had pretty much unraveled, there came a day when I realized that not only was I terrified, but that I was an angry 17 year old living, working,and parenting, in a 40 something body. That this was certainly a journey to transform my heart and that the connection to this notion and my physical symptoms was no coincidence. Although I still have physical symptoms, these days I find myself thinking, feeling and behaving much more like the picture of a functional nurturing adult woman. I look back to the visit with that physician and think, "I am indeed a shadow of my former self and what a blessing it is!" Our bodies are so wise. They know much before we ever could, how to make us the best versions of ourselves. I was just listening to its lessons with fear as opposed to love

 

Wow, Kim MC! What a wonderful way to reframe your experience.

I can certainly relate to your statement about being an angry 17 year old in an adult body. That has definitely been me, too. You always hear about the 'inner child' and 'inner parent', but seldom about the 'inner adolescent'.

'Listening with love instead of fear'--beautiful and insightful. So glad to have you on this forum. I look forward to reading more of your posts and hearing of your progress.

 

Thank you again for your support Ellen. It is pretty surreal for me to know that not only is someone reading what I write, but understanding it as well. It's definitely a healing energy. I guess that's love. I saw your Eckhart Tolle quote. I have to give his teachings or the way I heard his teachings credit in part for helping through the really dark times-for saving my life really.